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Friday, July 5, 2013

WHITT'S END 7.5.13

      Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End

   *Dwight Howard, holed up in Aspen, Colorado, could decide his free-agent destination as early as today. Considering his fickle DNA and theatrical flair, however, he'll milk it into next week. Even Whataburger is a player in the drama, Tweeting this week: You can't pass up the chance to move to a Whataburger state. #dwight2houston Of course, um, Mavs fans in the Metroplex want Howard and their Whataburger as well. Someone in the restaurant chain's PR department has some 'splainin' to do.

   *Joey Chestnut won his seventh consecutive Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating contest yesterday, engulfing 69 in 10 minutes. His official stat line: 20,010 calories, 1,173 grams of fat, 48,990 milligrams of sodium and 759 grams of protein, all consumed in less time than it will take you to digest "Whitt's End". Competitive eating is Chestnut's only job, one that earns him $200,000 a year. God Bless America.

   *Fourth of July traditions in my family always included golf, watermelon and, of course, fireworks. I once held a Roman Candle backward, firing it into my stomach and leaving me with a blackened belly button for days. But my most ridiculous incident with festive explosives occurred when a junior-high buddy and I hatched a brilliant plan to flirt with the neighbor girls. The strategy: We'd light a 100-count strand of Black Cat firecrackers, open his bedroom window and toss them over the fence and into the girls' backyard. Surely that would get their attention and make us cool. Ready ... 3 ... 2... 1 ... Ohcrapweforgotthereisascreenonthewindow!!! The Black Cats simply bounced off the screen like a trampoline, landing in the middle of our bedroom and commencing four minutes of explosions that resonated through our house. Parents were none too happy and the ringing in my ears didn't stop until last week.

   *Huge comeback last night for the Rangers. Down 3-1 and in danger of getting swept by the horrible Seattle Mariners, they rallied for four runs in the 7th to escape. Couple strange sights. When Nelson Cruz made a catch on the warning track in right field in the 9th he did so just in front of a huge Gulf advertising banner on the wall. Gulf? There are none near my house in McKinney and only two in Dallas. Weird, thought their gas stations went the way of Braniff Airlines. And then to this Phiten fad that just won't die. In fact, now even manager Ron Washington and 74-year-old bench coach Jackie Moore are wearing the bulky, woven necklaces that are supposed to enhance your energy and stabilize your karma or somesuch. In a word, hooey. We're such suckers. Me included. I once bought a Pet Rock in the '80s. But now it's those Power Balance rubber bracelets with a magical hologram. Fake. And, sure enough, Phiten necklaces? Fake. One of the strongest products in the world is invisible: The Placebo Effect.

   *So I'm shopping on Wednesday and there is a Mom walking the aisles, being followed by two girls that appear to be 15-ish. Thing was, the teens were holding hands. I mean, like, lovingly, affectionately holding hands. Was it just innocent friendship or ... ? I followed them - creepy, right? - around one corner and when Mom turned around to tell them something they quickly and abruptly disengaged hands. Friendship? Or ...

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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24 comments:

  1. Even though I believe you loath the sport, thank you for mentioning the Dallas Stars trade...Surprised you didn't mention the Tyler Seguin poster that is famous (though photoshopped) Just Google Tyler Seguin poster High school girls and you will understand. Loui may have been recognizable, but Seguin will be a game changer for years to come. Bravo Stars!

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  2. Work your way up from the foam roller to pvc it gets deep into the muscle.

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  3. you might not have wanted to bust those 2 chicks on your website, just a thought

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  4. Ahhh yes, the foam roller. It doesn't seem like it could be painful, but to work those muscles, it's no picnic. I was told not to just roll, but to find the spots on the muscle that is painful, and hold your weight on it for 30 seconds.

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  5. Richie, guess your dad shatters the adage, "old man golf". Shooting one's age is no small feat. As for the Mavs....I think they're screwed. A see many more years of mediocrity (or worse). Who graduates from college in July? Where did the grad go, ATI or the Columbia School of Broadcasting?

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  6. Tom @beevomav on TwitterJuly 5, 2013 at 12:47 PM

    Love Whitt's End!

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  7. Hey Richie. I know what you mean on the weird stats. My blog, while not as popular as yours and no where near as good of writing as yours, has had almost nine hundred pageviews in the nearly two weeks up. And I've had people in Japan, Russia, Germany, Spain, Australia, Netherlands, and France among others who have viewed my blog. Its weird to see.

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  8. "Coming Home" amazing..."finding g-spot" amazing

    BTW the first 3 weeks of this blog so much better, like a million times better, than the last 3 weeks of writing at the Observer. Though I do miss all the WWF/WWE characters that posted back then

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  9. I guess I'm just stupid because I can't figure out how to make a profile for myself.

    - Storm_71

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  10. Stupid question: Why is it so important to be the first to break a story? Is it just to get your name out there? I honestly don't get the big deal that gets made of it.

    And I second Merkin's comment. This is so much better than your last days at the Observer.

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  11. I can't believe anyone with any sense would actually want Howard as more than anything but trade bait. There are better centers who will grow your offense and not clog up the middle.

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  12. This is a dying blog. You were lucky to start it out with Ticket drama, but as that fades away so will the page views.

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  13. Cuban may only have to wait another year or two and Dwight will be available for the taking, if anyone is that foolish. Sometimes the best moves are the one you don't make.

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  14. Loving this website, Richie!! Keep it going, please. I read it every day

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  15. As usual you were wrong. Predicting Howard would wait until next week to decide and he decided today. You also were one of the fools that thought he was coming to Dallas. You continue to prove everyday what a sports idiot you are.

    No reason to tune in to KVIL because that troll is working there. That does nothing but tarnish a great radio station.

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    Replies
    1. you're just mad because your mom named you Carlton

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  16. Enjoying your blog. Keep it up.

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  17. Not everybody's pee stinks after eating asparagus. Only certain people's body contains an enzyme inside that causes this. Ask around, you'll see.

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  18. where were you when Anderson Silva got KTFO?!?!?!?

    Epic!!

    Sincerely,

    The better Buster Douglass
    aka NTDSLARS

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  19. just as effective as the power balance bracelets and 1/6 of the price.

    http://www.placebobandstore.com/store/

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