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Monday, July 1, 2013

Top 10 Whitty Comments From Our Weekend Pool Party

   Take $650 worth of alcohol and 10 Pizza Buzz pizzas, add 50 fun folks and sprinkle with sunshine and a swimming pool and, voila, a pool party that gave us great memories and horrible headaches ...
   10. They say it ain't a party until something gets broken (check) and/or someone pukes (check). Sybil delicately hung these fancy paper lanterns in our trees and bushes to accent the mood, but they proved no match for a wild volleyball shot. And someone - you know who you are - got sick and apparently vomited while sprinting through our bedroom. On the carpet. On the bedspread. On the bathroom door. On the mirror. And on the bathroom floor. I could either be pissed ... or impressed.
   9. Thanks to Mallory Sims, who bartended her way to fame, fawning and (hopefully) a relative fortune. Every time any of us thought "I'm ready for another dr ..." there was Mallory with her big smile, tiny bikini and fresh drink. Hire her - @SimsMallory on Twitter - for your next party, wedding or Bar Mitzvah.
   8. At one point my elementary-school buddy JW gets a shard of glass in his foot. Sybil takes a flashlight and tweezers and begins to operate but can't dislodge the piece. So he's limping around complaining to his wife, who continues to tell him, "Let's worry about it tomorrow." The running joke became that every time JW began to talk we immediately interrupted with "Tomorrow!" It wasn't until after breakfast Sunday that he reported to getting the glass out.
   7. Someone says "Hey look it's PEEN, Incorporated!" and you're first reaction is "Porn? Already? It's only 5:30." Instead, we were treated to an organic uprising of a quartet of half synchronized swimmers/half Cirque du Soleil. Led by Sybil, PEEN - because they utilized two Noodles that were Pink and two that were Green - gave us a show that might set water aerobics back 10 years. But it was women. Dancing. And wet. So it couldn't have too bad.
   6. In this era of of Josh Brent and Aaron Hernandez, it's nice to be reminded there are professional athletes  who are great guys capable of making good decisions. Now, the fact that Dallas Cowboys' offensive lineman Tyron Smith hangs out with us scoundrels is iffy at best, but how did he commute to and from the party? Right, with his own private driver via a genius service called Uber. His only penalty of the night? Leaning his 300-plus pounds and breaking my bar. I'll add it to his tab.

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26 comments:

  1. I guess my invitation got lost

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  2. Grey Hair On The Ball Sack of LifeJuly 1, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    You're like, what? 50?

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    Replies
    1. Is he too old to have a good time? Idiot.

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    2. Grey Hair On The Ball Sack of LifeJuly 1, 2013 at 9:49 AM

      Yes. That's exactly what I said. Fucking dick.

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    3. I sure hope I can party like that when Im 50, who gives a fuck grey hair fuck. Work hard, play harder

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  3. Can't be that great if you're trying to convince people it was awesome. Only little girls brag about being the drunkest. This is sad

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    Replies
    1. Agree. Typical over bragging D-Bag and their bimbos convention at Richie's. How adorbs.

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  4. Awesome! Seen like a good friend to have age ain't nothing but a number so party on my friend!

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  5. Piss on you haters!

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  6. Looks like a pretty spare house.

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  7. More pictures of girls in bikinis. Your ratio of girls/guys in pictures is way off. Also, a food shot of pizza buzz pizzas. Nothing wrong with a little food porn.

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  8. It's always funny to pose for a picture that's actually a video...
    http://youtu.be/d9E5Y3Brmvc

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  9. Jeffrey CavanaughJuly 1, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    I'd like to claim one of those shirts.

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    Replies
    1. It's either the FSSW one, the green muscle shirt, or the G-Bag Nation tee. I'm guessing C?

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  10. Did Greggo or Jenno do anything crazy at the party?

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    Replies
    1. Heck yeah! Greg took turns snorting coke off of Sybil's titties and Richie's dick. It was wild! He was high as fuck!

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    2. sweet Jesus, post of the day.

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    3. This is why I love the Sportatorium.

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  11. It's not that he's too old really, it's just that he's an immature douche-bag!

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  12. I don't remember a lot of this stuff happening? Someone cut their foot? When did Sybil go to 7-11? I guess that's a sign of a good party!!

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    Replies
    1. I had to sneak out for an ice run. In the process, I fell out of the car and have road rash down the left side of me. Moral of the story: Wear clothes.

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  13. I guess I'll be the kill-joy....how many people left your party well beyond the legal limit? Not cool

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  14. Man, I should have done a better job making y'all sound good on remotes.

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  15. If you got too drunk, you're too old.

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  16. Sorry about the vomit in the bedroom bro. It happened while I was nailing Sybil when you were face down drunk floating in the hot tub.

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  17. if u dont have haters ur obviously not doing it right....-braden-

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