THE KENTUCKY DERBY AND THE REST OF THE 10 MOST OVERRATED SPORTING EVENTS

   Flamboyant hats. $16 Mint Juleps. Mudders. And ... cue the yawns.
   Today is the Kentucky Derby and - admit it - the only reason you're tempted to watch is because you're anchored to the couch after ingesting a little too much Cinco in your de Mayo.
   It's horses. Which are not athletes. And who have no idea whether they win, lose or draw, as long as it leads to a post-game meal.
   It's billed as the "most exciting two minutes in sports." What the what? Give me the final act of any NBA Playoff game or, for that matter, the waning moments of a Jags-49ers' half. The first half.
   One of the few sporting events I've never attended is the Kentucky Derby because, well, I just have no desire. Nor do I have any interest in watching NBC's five-hour - I kid you not - pre-game show today. I mean, foreplay is great and all, but ... five hours for two minutes isn't my kind of math.
   Let me know who wins. And I'll guarantee you at this time next year you won't remember either. Fine then, without Googling, who won last year? (No way "Nyquist" was on the tip of your tongue or top of your mind.)
   No, the "Run For The Roses" isn't the most overrated events in sports, but it's undoubtedly on the short list.

   10. Tour de France – Bunch of drug cheaters who’ll never drug cheat as well as Lance Armstrong.

    9. Army-Navy – Pageantry, yes. Quality, must-see football? Nope. Not anymore.

    8. Indianapolis 500 – Once the “Greatest Spectacles in Racing,” it’s long been swallowed up and digested into tiny, irrelevant bile by NASCAR and its Daytona 500.

    7. Kentucky Derby – We waited almost 40 years for a Triple Crown winner and, just like, it fizzled. Quick, which horse won it last year? Right.

    6. Any Heavyweight Boxing Championship Fight – Epic? Really? Fine, then name the current champ. No way you guessed right, because (far as I can tell) there are actually two. One from New Zealand (Joseph Parker) and one from England (Anthony Joshua). Once upon a time there was Liston, Ali, Frazier, Foreman and Tyson. Sigh.

    5. College Basketball Post-Season Conference Tournaments/Any College Football Bowl Game Outside The Final Four – Hailed as March Madness, the hoop tournaments are merely meaningless appetizers. And the habit of draftable players skipping random football bowl games has only just begun.

    4. Winter Olympics – Sold as a global event, but barely one-third of the world’s nations (68 of 196 at Sochi in 2014) participate. And way less than that can relate to events like Ice Dancing, Curling and Biathlon.

    3. NFL Scouting Combine – Things tend to change drastically when they put the pads on.

    2. Opening Day – Baseball hypes this as a national holiday, but it represents exactly 0.61 percent of the six-month, 162-game season.

    1. Heisman Trophy – Exactly 0 of last 17 quarterbacks to win the storied hardware has gone on to win a Super Bowl: Andre Ware. Ty Detmer. Gino Torretta. Charlie Ward. Danny Wuerffel. Chris Weinke. Eric Crouch. Carson Palmer. Jason White. Matt Leinart. Troy Smith. Tim Tebow. Sam Bradford. Cam Newton. Johnny Manziel, Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota. I rest my case.

WHITT'S END: 1.9.14

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:

   *The one player the Cowboys would be crazy to draft is ...

   *The most useless invention of our lifetime is the ...

   *The guy you'd think would be a perfect fit for the Mavs but will never be a Mav is ...

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WHITT'S END: 12.12.13

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:

   *Let's go back to August. The Cowboys are preparing for their season when the ghost of football future (there is such a dude, right?) appears with this offer: Tony Romo will play so well that he throws 20 more touchdowns than interceptions (27-7) and to win the NFC East in 2013 your team gets to face five consecutive backup quarterbacks down the stretch. But if they don't beat them and make the playoffs, I take away your DVRs. Forever. We'd have taken that deal, right? Because, sure enough, look at who the Cowboys will face in the season's final five weeks: Quarterbacks who are injury replacements or who started the season as afterthought second- or even third-stringers. Matt McGloin (Raiders), Josh McCown (Bears), Matt Flynn (Packers), Kirk Cousins (Redskins) and Nick Foles (Eagles). There's a decent chance none of those teams make the playoffs. You can't say it wasn't all laid out lovingly and invitingly before the Cowboys. And, yes, if Tony Romo can't beat four of those five quarterbacks in this stretch then ... gulp.

   *You Betcha Week 16: For the year I'm now up $3,985. This week I'm going with ...

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Soft Schedule, Lone Star State Neighbors Help Rangers Out of Funk In a Hurry

   Two weeks ago this morning: The Rangers had been swept in Cleveland. Back-to-back shutouts. No runs in 21 innings. Joe Nathan on the trade block. Six games behind the Oakland A's.
   Woe was us.
   And then ... A closed-door meeting. A Nelson Cruz season-ending suspension. Lots of Angels and Astros and crap on the soft schedule. Presto, the Rangers are in first place in the AL West.
   It gets better.
   *Friday the Rangers gave up only Leury Garcia to acquire Alex Rios - no offense to Mike Bacsik, but he's already the best No. 51 in franchise history, right? - and he promptly showed up in Houston and went 4 for 7 with a couple of RBI.
   *Just like that, Texas has won seven in a row, 12 of 13 and has gobbled up their division deficit and spit out a 1-game lead.
   *At 68-50, only the '99 team (69-49) had a better record after 118 games.
   *Martin Perez on Sunday accomplished something that Yu Darvish hasn't: A complete game. He became the second-youngest pitcher in Rangers' history to have a complete-game 4-hitter. Old-timers like me will remember the dazzling debut of 19-year-old Edwin Correa in 1986. (By the way, it wasn't that long ago that we were about to give up on Perez, right?)
   *And even more help is on the way, as Lance Berkman continues his rehab assignment.

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    Mostly what the Rangers have done during their significant mood improvement is beat up on the dregs of the AL. When they whip the lowly Astros again this afternoon, that will make it straight 10 wins over Anaheim and Houston.
   Nobody welcomed the Astros to the AL West more than their Lone Star State neighbors. The Rangers are now 10-2 vs. Houston (by far the worst team in baseball) this year, and an astonishing 29-7 against the Astros since 2009.
   If two weeks ago seems like a long time for Rangers' fans, try to remember as far back as the regular-season starting with a loss to Houston.
   Best news of all: The Rangers play the Astros six more times this season, including three next week in Arlington. (Of course, the A's are 11-1 vs. Houston with seven matchups remaining.)
   That's the simplest answer to the Ranges' resurgence: Soft schedule. And it won't stop until September. Sandwiched between series against the A's, the Rangers will play eight consecutive series (24 straight games) against teams that are a combined 116 games under .500.

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Despite His "Error in Judgment", Will We Forgive and Forget When It Comes to Nelson "Mohamad" Cruz?

   I like Nelson Cruz. As a player, obviously. But also as a clubhouse character.
   In March 2012 I was in the Rangers' clubhouse in Surprise, Arizona on the morning of Yu Darvish's first MLB Spring Training outing in nearby Peoria.
   "Can't wait. Very exciting," Cruz said with a twinkle in his eye, "It's gonna be like ... China Town!"
   Don't worry about the fact that Cruz screwed up his geography - Darvish, of course, is half-Iranian, half-Japanese - he's at times just a fun-lovin' kid merely playing a game.
   He's also, no way around it, the author of two of the biggest mistakes in Rangers' franchise history.
   In November 2011 he misplayed David Freese's fly ball to right field, costing Texas the World Series. And in August of 2013 he received a 50-game suspension from Major League Baseball for knowingly taking steroids.
   He's a cheater.
   A liar.
   And - being that Cruz is the team's best power hitter and his actions have ended his regular season - he's severely jeopardizing the Rangers' 2013 playoff push.
   But in baseball's Steroid Era that is now officially harder to kill than Freddy Krueger, are we eagerly willing to shrug our shoulders, forgive, forget and cheer his next at-bat in a Rangers' uniform - which would come in an October playoff game?
   Despite the ugly facts, I think know we are.

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   After beating the Angels last night to climb within two games of the A's in the AL West, Cruz's abandoned teammates talked of the slugger as a "great teammate." Said outfielder Craig Gentry, one of the many who will attempt to take up the slack left by Cruz' departure, "We know where his heart is."
   Do we?
   According to the original story detailing the business dealings of the south Florida anti-aging clinic Biogenesis - broken by the Miami New Times in January - Cruz was a customer that went by "Mohamad" and bought $4,000 worth of "product" from center director Anthony Bosch.
   And, after the story went viral, Cruz - through his law firm - called the story bullshit.

   "We are aware of certain allegations and inferences," read a statement released by Farrell & Reisinger in Febuary. "To the extent these allegations and inferences refer to Nelson, they are denied."

   No, actually they've now all been confirmed. And, when caught red-handed and now punished along with a dozen other players including Alex Rodriguez, now Cruz is, um, being inconsistent yet again. Unless I'm reading his Monday statement wrong, he's using an illness as an excuse while claiming he's not using the illness as an excuse.
   Right?

I have been notified by the Commissioner of Major League Baseball that I have been suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I have decided to accept this suspension and not exercise my rights under the Basic Agreement to appeal. From November, 2011 to January, 2012, I was seriously ill with a gastrointestinal infection, helicobacter pylori, which went undiagnosed for over a month. By the time I was properly diagnosed and treated, I had lost 40 pounds. Just weeks before I was to report to spring training in 2012, I was unsure whether I would be physically able to play. Faced with this situation, I made an error in judgment that I deeply regret, and I accept full responsibility for that error. I should have handled the situation differently, and my illness was no excuse. I am thankful for the unwavering support of my family, friends, and teammates during this difficult time. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Rangers organization, my teammates, and the great Rangers' fans, and I am grateful for the opportunity to rejoin the team for the playoffs.

   If the Rangers somehow sneak into the post-season, they'd be eligible to bring back Cruz, their biggest bat. If they miss the playoffs, Cruz becomes a free agent who may have played his last game in a Rangers' uniform.
   Cruz is light years from the fraud A-Rod's handling of the whole ordeal. But still, the fun-lovin' kid with the shady geography has been replaced by a liar and a cheater and, perhaps, a former Ranger.
    And to think, this whole steroid shitstorm began 15 summers ago when a reporter spotted a bottle of Andro in Mark McGwire's locker. Baseball is still taking steps to recover, but evidenced by Cruz, et al, it ain't healed yet.

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Nelson Cruz Suspended for 50 Games/Regular Season: How Will He and the Rangers Survive?

   Okay Rangers fans, let's rub our hands together and get this thing going. It's about to get good.
   Since that closed-door meeting in Cleveland, Texas has won six of seven to resurrect baseball season. Thanks to Derek Holland's Sunday gem - he allowed only four singles over eight innings - the Rangers took two of three in Oakland and have sliced their deficit in the AL West from 6 to 2.5 games in a wonderful week.
   Ron Washington is now the winningest manager in franchise history (582), the bats are coming alive, tonight they face an Angels team they just swept in Arlington and ...
   Whoooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Nellie!
   It all comes to a screeching halt without their best power hitter. And today Nelson Cruz is accepting a suspension that will end his regular season.
   Now that Major League Baseball has decided its punishment for players connected to the Biogenesis lab in Miami - a story that broke way back during the Super Bowl - all the hype will surround Yankees' slugger Alex Rodriguez.
   But the most impactful player on the list wears a Rangers' uniform: Cruz.

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   While A-Rod could be suspended through the 2014 season (214 games), the loss of Cruz will severely derail Texas' playoff hopes. He is, after all, the Rangers' biggest and best power hitter, leading them in homers (27) and RBI (76) after yesterday's bomb against the A's. How vital is Cruz to the Rangers? Other than Adrian Beltre, they don't have a bat with more than 16 homers or 46 RBI.
   Cruz's suspension is 50 games. The Rangers, turns out, have 50 games remaining in the regular season.
   The Rangers' slugger has decided to accept the suspension, then rejoin the team for the playoffs if they qualify. He could have appealed and perhaps played another 20 games before a final ruling could've landed him ineligible for the post-season.
   Cruz is making the best of a bad situation: Accepting the consequences, then cross his fingers his teammates have enough pop to get into the playoffs.
   Without his bat, the Rangers - struggling for runs as is - have minimal options since they didn't acquire a power hitter at the trade deadline. Engel Beltre is left-handed. Manny Ramirez hasn't shown any mash at AAA. Doubtful, but maybe Jurickson Profar goes back to the outfield?
   Problem is, the Rangers' offense is homer-dependent. During their 6-1 resurgence they've hit 14 and in games they don't hit one they're only 9-26.
   To amplify this quandary, Cruz is a free agent after this season.
   Meaning - worst-case scenario - if Texas doesn't make the playoffs, he may have played his last game as a Ranger.
   And the 2013 baseball season may just have ended. Just when it was getting good.

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Josh Hamilton Having a Devil of a Time as an Angel. Ain't it Grand?

   Sometimes, things work out. Life seems fair. Karma wins.
   And Josh Hamilton sucks.
   Last night's lucky squib single down the third-base line that plated two runs in the Rangers' 4-3 rally victory notwithstanding, Hamilton and his 5-year, $125 contract are having a dreadfully forgettable year.
   Which is absolutely delicious.
   When Hamilton bolted the Rangers last winter he took a couple shots at the organization and continued doing so in Spring Training when he infamously claimed Arlington/Dallas/Fort Worth wasn't a "baseball town."
   What did we wish upon the smug, ungrateful, fraudulent brat? That his season would underwhelm. That he wouldn't make the Angels better. That he'd miss some games due to injury. And that, in general, his departure from the Rangers would be an epic fail.
   Throw in that Hamilton would be upstaged by Geovany Soto's walk-off homer in his second return to Arlington and it's mission accomplished. Yes, already.
   There are 39 players in the Majors with more homers than Hamilton's 15. Last year with the Rangers he hit four in one game and had 18 by mid-May. With his two hits last night he raised his average to a harmless .223. He's missed seven games with various injuries, and recently whined about "equilibrium" problems. Last month he became the first player since 1916 to go hitless in a game while striking out twice and grounding into three double plays. His team is 48-56, now eight games behind the Rangers and a whopping 13.5 behind the first-place A's.
   Oh, and did I mention that the non-baseball town fans in Arlington are averaging 2,000 more in attendance per night than the Angels?
   If nothing else, Josh Hamilton gave us an early-game distraction from just how hapless the Rangers' bats had become. That is, until A.J. Pierzynski and Soto bombed Ernesto Frieri in the bottom of the 9th.
   Dare I say, fitting?

Rangers' Reaction to Massive Slump: Trade Joe Nathan?

   The Rangers are mired in a massive, season-staining offensive drought. They're scoring less than Johnny Manziel at a UT frat party.
   It's bad. Real bad. And it's caused the Rangers to get mad, call meetings and ... consider trading their best player.
   As the Rangers return home tonight to face the Anaheim Angels - with a .220-hitting Josh Hamilton and without injured Albert Pujols - they'll drag with them one of their worst slumps in franchise history. Their offense has dried up worse than Betty White's uterus.
   The listless bats bottomed-out in Cleveland over the weekend. Back-to-back shutouts. No runs in 21 innings. Only eight hits in their last 68 at-bats. They're 2-8 since the All-Star break, punctuated by Mitch Moreland's 2-for-36 funk.
   Add it all up and the Rangers are suddenly as close to third place as they are to first, trailing the Oakland A's by six games.

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   After the game manager Ron Washington had seen enough of nothing, calling a closed-door team meeting for almost an hour. "Sleep-walking," he said of his team.
   Last time this happened, it worked. A similar meeting on June 16 resulted in Texas winning nine of 11. But this time, more drastic measures may be needed. Bringing in Matt Garza is one thing, but without any offense the Rangers won't sniff the post-season, much less catch the A's.
   As the trade deadline inches within three days, one of the moves the Rangers are reportedly pondering is to trade closer Joe Nathan. If you believe Joakim Soria can close or if you believe Neftali Feliz will be effective when he returns in mid-August then it makes sense to trade your 38-year-old arm for a bat that will serve as paddles resurrecting the offense's failing heart.
   On the surface trading Nathan sounds kooky, but not nearly as unfathomable as reliever Tanner Scheppers' weekend in Cleveland. While he said he was "sucker punched," witnesses tell a tale of him simply "losing a bar fight."
   Whether it's meetings, or changes of scenery, or bar fights, or trading players or simply facing the best offensive player in franchise history, the Rangers need to snap out of it in July or else they will prematurely ruin September.

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Carly Rae Jepson: From Worst Catchy Song to Worst First Pitch

   
   Call Me The Bullpen Maybe?
   Carly Rae Jepsen, whose admittedly catchy song went viral in 2012, is somehow still around well after her 15 minutes expired. And on Sunday she was invited to throw out the ceremonial first pitch before the Rays-Astros game in Tampa.
   Jepsen, 27, toed the rubber like she actually knew what she was doing and then ... released a pitch that confirmed she'd never held a baseball. The "throw" landed about 10 feet in front of her and was so far left that it rolled and bounced and finally doinked off a camera a good 20 feet up the 1st base line.
   It's far from the best first pitch in the history of baseball, and it might just be the worst. Your call ...

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   Mariah Carey, the defending champion.
   
 
   John Wall, the long-time runner-up.
   

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   Neither close to as good or as cool as this South Korean rhythmic gymnast.
   

   But my all-time fave. The man with no arms who threw out the first pitch.
   

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Rangers' Pop-Ups Now the Most Exciting Play in Baseball

   Elvis Andrus is a kid playing a game. We're reminded of that almost every Rangers' game.
   Like when he gets a key hit in an 8-5 win over the Baltimore Orioles, as he did Monday night. Like when he over-celebrates an Adrian Beltre home run and irritates the third baseman, as he did Sunday afternoon.
   Or, even when he's monkeying around fielding a pop-up, as he does routinely these days.
   Weird game in Baltimore last night.
   Derek Holland's baby face, curled locks and grit is starting to remind me of Phil Mickelson. Scott Feldman pitched against his old team. Tom Grieve took over play-by-play duties in one inning, with Steve Busby sliding into the analyst's chair. Despite all the Roger Maris-hoopla, Chris Davis sure looked like Chris Davis, striking out in all four plate appearances. And the Rangers' offense produced six runs in the 6th, their best inning since May 16.
   Thanks to the quirky relationship between Andrus and Beltre, the game was successful, and entertaining.

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   Continuing a comedy bit they've been acting out for a couple months now, Beltre and Andrus at least pretend to fight over pop-ups to the left side of the infield. Back in May Beltre "angrily" called off Andrus, then in June faked us all out by waving his arms and pretending to catch a pop-up that landed in Elvis' glove a good five feet away.

   So last night there are two on and nobody out for the Orioles in the 3rd. Adam Jones hit a towering pop - infield fly rule was in effect, so no damage done if the ball had dropped - to the American League's Player of the Week, who easily camped under it. But here comes Elvis, smiling and giggling as he hovers over Beltre's left shoulder.
   After the catch, Beltre shot Elvis a menacing glance and Andrus, of course, just snickered his way back to shortstop.
   I did a radio show with Elvis on 105.3 The Fan all during the 2012 season, and he's a hoot. No topic off-limits. He's a blast, on the air or just goofing around in the clubhouse during Spring Training.
   Not sure I want him playing "Chicken" with a World Series pop-up but, for now, he's turned one of baseball's most routine plays into edge-of-your-seat entertainment.
   In other words, Elvis makes baseball more fun to watch. And isn't that the point?

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Adrian Beltre: AL Player of the Week

   In the immortal words of Adrian Beltre ... Ohhhhhh Sheeeeeeeeeet!
   As in, cool, the Texas Rangers' third baseman was just this afternoon named the American League's Player of the Week.
   It's the fourth such award for Beltre, who last week against the Seattle Mariners and Astros hit .478 with five RBI and four homers, including a solo shot in Sunday's 5-4 win over Houston. And, of course, on July 4 Beltre produced his own fireworks show at The Ballpark with two homers against Seattle.
   As evidenced by yesterday's violent back slap of Elvis Andrus, he still doesn't like his head touched - even after dingers. And, until further notice, he'll never live down the Angels' dugout microphone picking up his classic celebration after a Mike Napoli homer in 2011.

Happy Birthday, America! 237 Reasons To Love Our Sports.

   Don't look now, but things aren't real swell in American sports. More like red, white and boo.
   We used to dominate. But what not long ago was Mike Tyson and Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong and Andre Agassi and Mike Modano has slowly deteriorated into a bunch of foreigners in first-place named Wladimir Klitschko and Justin Rose and Alberto Contador and Novak Djokovic and Alex Ovechkin.
   Even Serena Williams - the most dominant athlete on the planet - couldn't lift the U.S. at Wimbledon, leaving America without a ladies' semifinalist on the grass for only the sixth time since 1968. We won't win the Tour de France. We didn't win the World Baseball Classic. We never sniff advancing in the World Cup. We're not even a lock to win next week's sailing of the America's Cup.
   Of course, all is not lost. We still have the best player in football (Adrian Peterson), basketball (LeBron James) and one of the best in baseball (Chris Davis, yes that Chris Davis). And the July 4th Hot Dog Eating contest should be won by Joey Chestnut, but only - get this - because Kobayashi is in a contract dispute with Major League Eating.
   We may have to squint a little harder these days to see it, but there are still countless reasons to be proud of American sports. And on this - our country's 237th birthday - I urge you to spend part of your Fourth of July, between the burgers and bikinis, admiring and appreciating each unique candle on this homemade cake.
   Here's hoping my list reminds you how friggin' fortunate we are to have a variety of sports, and the freedom to choose which ones we love and loathe.
   Happy Birthday, America's sports! Celebrate with fireworks, and by feeling better about your games, your country and, yes, even yourself.
   As usual, add to the list if you want. Or just pick and choose. Whatever.
   It is, after all, a free country.

237. Johnny Football, with his Heisman and without his Twitter.

236. Wiffle Ball in the back yard.

235. Labor peace.

234. Failure Jesus, working his magic on Tim Tebow.

233. The right to hate Tom Hicks and the responsibility of remembering Chuck Greenberg.

232. Cowboys' Super Bowl expectations. Every single year.

231. Tiger Woods' rise. And fall. And almost rise again.

230. Ron Washington's relentless optimism.

229. Cowboys Stadium.

228. The New Orleans ... Pelicans?

227. Jordan Spieth's future and Dez Bryant's present.

226. The star on the helmet.

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225. Yankee pinstripes.

224. The 18th at Pebble Beach.

223. Dick Vitale, John Madden and, yes, even Brent Musburger.

222. Marion Jones, before she lied.

221. Hail Mary and Touchdown Jesus.

220. The Ice Bowl, the Rose Bowl and the Beer 'n Bowl.

219. Game 7.

218. Cameron Crazies.

217. Stockton to Malone.

216. Rick Carlisle's set pieces.

215. Serena and Venus Williams.

214. Boston's Green Monster and Augusta's green jacket.

213. The 12th Man.

212. Brian's Song.

211. Spurrier's visor.

210. "H-O-R-S-E," "Hot Box" and "Tackle the Man with the Football."

209. Happy Valley and March Madness.

208. Brad Stevens, from Butler to Boston.

207. The seventh-inning stretch and "Down the stretch they come!"

206. Army-Navy.

205. Pauley Pavilion.

204. Caddyshack.

203. "Gentlemen, start your engines!" And you too, Danica.

202. Atlanta's Tomahawk Chop.

201. Vince Lombardi.

200. Don King, Gene Keady and Slick Watts.

199. Kobe in the clutch and Junior on the gas.

198. The Manning Family.

197. The Three J's, The Four Horsemen and The Fab Five.

196. "It ain't over 'til it's over."

195. Hawg hats, Fort Worth Cats and Minnesota Fats.

194. Mark Holtz' "Hello, Win Column!" Yes, still.

193. A two-putt birdie.

192. Wide Right and Student Body Left.

191. Britney Griner.

190. The smell of fresh-cut grass on Opening Day.

189. Slow-motion instant replays.

188. Chris Davis, former Texas Ranger.

187. Pizza delivered simultaneously with kickoff.

186. The hole in the roof so God can watch his favorite team.

185. The Immaculate Reception.

184. No talking about a no-hitter.

183. Jimmy Connors at Flushing Meadows. At night.

182. Alligator arms, swim moves and The Shark. Kenny Gant, not Greg Norman.

181. Tom Dempsey's long field goal with a short foot.

180. The Silver Boot, the Iron Skillet and plain ol' braggin' rights.

179. Underdogs.

178. Hansen, Hitzges and Galloway.

177. Grass.

176. Hat tricks via bicycle kicks.

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175. Jerry Jones.

174. NFL Films.

173. Bo Jackson.

172. Bobby Knight's sweaters. And trifecta bettors.

171. Sean Lee's tenacity.

170. Flo-Jo and Little Mo.

169. DirecTV's Sunday ticket, and especially the Red Zone Channel.

168. Two points, three-peats and four-baggers through the five hole.

167. Robert Hughes.

166. Slap Shot.

165. Troy Aikman, Daryl Johnston and Deion Sanders on the other side of the camera.

164. John Wooden's program and Red Auerbach's cigar.

163. David Stern's final NBA Draft.
162. Taking your glove to the game.

161. Tatu. And tattoos.

160. "Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!"

159. Amen corner. And Death Valley.

158. Nike vs. Reebok.

157. No. 1 vs. No. 16.

156. "Boomer Sooner", "Rocky Top" and "wake up the echoes."

155. One-handed 360.

154. Phil Jackson's Triangle and Dean Smith's four corners.

153. Breathe Rights, eye black, mouthpieces and ear holes.

152. The Great One and The Greatest.

151. Replacement refs, only temporarily.

150. Monday Night Football's old theme music.

149. "Havlicek stole the ball!"

148. A-Roid.

147. The Ring of Honor.

146. Between the hedges.

145. Shutting up Spike Lee.

144. Chris Berman.

143. The chills + a hangover + the day off = the Cotton Bowl.

142. Two minutes for roughing.

141. Rick Reilly.

140. "The Friendly Confines." And Raiders fans.

139. The Zamboni.

138. Yankees-Red Sox.

137. "He could ... go ... all .. the ... way ..."

136. Joe Pa, circa 2010.

135. Tailgating.

134. The Downtown Athletic Club.

133. A blue parking pass.

132. Mel Kiper Jr.'s mock draft.

131. Jay-Z, sports agent.

130. Tim Duncan's bank shot.

129. Rick Barry's underhand free throw.

128. Goal-line stands and the Stanford band.

127. "Can I have your autograph?"

126. Dollar dog night at Rangers Ballpark.

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125. Brett Farve, retired.

124. Brad Sham and Eric Nadel.

123. Lambeau Field in January.

122. Sports talk radio.

121. Miami vs. Florida vs. Florida State.

120. "Steeeerriiiike Three!," "Let's play two!" and "We're No. 1!"

119. Roger Staubach down 13 with 2:19 remaining.

118. Dropping the gloves. And catching big air.

117. Kareem's "Sky Hook."

116. "Coooold beeeeeer!!"

115. Robert Horry, Adam Vinatieri and Mariano Rivera, when it really matters.

114. Bobblehead night.

113. The fair pole.

112. NASCAR sponsors.

111. Doomsday.

110. Your baseball cap in the dishwasher, a shoestring around your glove.

109. Office pools.

108. Pistol Pete.

107. Day games.

106. "The Catch."

105. Duke vs. North Carolina.

104. "Hey, ump, you're missing a great game!"

103. North Dallas Forty.

102. Soccer moms.

101. Michael Johnson's golden shoes.

100. Bevo.

99. Shirts and skins.

98. The Iceman.

97. 17-0 in '72.

96. Winners, losers and, grudgingly, participation plaques.

95. Yellow cards, yellow flags and the yellow first-down line.

94. Gary Patterson.

93. 56 in a row.

92. "Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk!"

91. Mulligans.

90. "You Cannot Be Serious!"

89. Brenden Morrow's guts.

88. Stephen A. Smith, preferably in a muzzle.

87. The two-minute warning.

86. Emmitt Smith out the other end of the pile.

85. The Laker Girls.

84. Ryder Cup vs. Davis Cup vs. Stanley Cup.

83. "GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!"

82. Seeing your breath on a small-town Friday night in December, population
314.

81. Floyd "Money" Mayweather.

80. Hack-a-Shaq.

79. Phi Slamma Jamma and Lorenzo Charles RIP.

78. 6-4-3.

77. Nebraska's I-back.

76. Montana to Rice.

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75. GEICO commercials.

74. "You are looking live ... !"

73. Joe Torre's stare, Steve Nash's hair and the Golden Bear.

72. Sweetness.

71. Phyllis George and Erin Andrews.

70. And one!

69. Bull Durham.

68. "Pig-soooooiiiieee!"

67. Charlie Hustle. And Uncle Charlie.

66. The Aggie War Hymn vs. Texas Fight.

65. Cold dreary Sunday. Warm comfy couch. Big screen TV.

64. The Big Red Machine.

63. Christian Laettner's turnaround.

62. Neftali Feliz' 100-mph fastball. Anyone seen it lately?

61. Bounties.
60. The Curse of the Bambino.

59. The Swamp, The Pit and The Big House.

58. Cal Ripken Jr. and Dale Earnhardt Sr.

57. Evel Knievel.

56. Wilt's 100 points vs. Russell's 11 rings.

55. The Big Unit. And Lil' Penny.

54. Eight seconds. And Title IX.

53. Adrian Peterson, nine yards short of Eric Dickerson's rushing record.

52. Churchill Downs, first Saturday in May.

51. Madison Square Garden.

50. Mixed doubles, standup doubles and triple-doubles.

49. $1 billion stadiums.

48. Up-and-down from the beach.

47. Bear Bryant.

46. Sacramento's cowbells and Pittsburgh's Terrible Towels.

45. Rocky, Rudy and Prefontaine.

44. Larry Legend.

43. Byron Nelson's legacy.

42. Sudden death.

41. Dr. J.

40. Mark Cuban's passion. And wallet.

39. Michael Jordan.

38. Strike zone, matchup zone and zone blitz.

37. Dirk Nowitzki or Paul Pierce?

36. Wrigley's ivy.

35. Showtime.

34. Sha-sheff-ski, spelled K-r-z-y-z-e-w-s-k-i.

33. The Babes. Ruth and Didrikson Zaharias. Sorry, Laufenberg.

32. DeMarcus Ware and Jason Witten. On and off the field.

31. 73*.

30. The Fat Lady. And the skinny post.

29. Tony Romo's ad-libs.

28. Kyle Field.

27. Celtics banners.

26. Nolan Ryan.

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25. Nacho cheese on your chin. A smile on your lips.

24. Fresh batteries in the remote control.

23. Charles Barkley.

22. Jackson's "Whoa, Nellie!" and Enberg's "Oh, my!"

21. The 7-10 split.

20. Crazy Ray, Zonk and inflatable Mavs Man.

19. Hope, in the form of Dwight Howard.

18. LeBron James, indeed The Chosen One.

17. ESPN SportsCenter.

16. Phil Mickelson's disposition.

15. Magic.

14. The checkered flag.

13. Pat Summerall, Chick Hearn and Vin Scully.

12. The bell, the buzzer, the horn, the gun and especially the organ.

11. Jon "Bones" Jones, right in your kisser.

10. Tom Landry.

9. Texas-OU Weekend.

8. Hoosiers.

7. Sharing personal space with 20,000 really happy people and high-fiving a guy
whose name you'll never know.

6. 31-year waits. Right, Mavs fans?

5. Josh Hamilton failing miserably in California.

4. "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!!"

3. Aaron Herndandez, Josh Brent and Lance Armstrong, each held accountable.

2. Our national anthem, before every single game.

1. The freedom to love America's Team, and to still hate the Redskins.

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Rangers Sign Manny Ramirez. Can't Believe I Just Typed That Sentence.

 

   He's 41. He'll have to cut his braids before he reports to Triple-A Round Rock. He was last seen playing for a team called the Rhinos in Tawain.
   And, for a long time, he was the most feared hitter in all of baseball.
   Yep, the Texas Rangers have signed Manny Ramirez.
   That's Jon Daniels being Jon Daniels (Kenny Lofton, Vladimir Guerrero, Sammy Sosa, Eric Gagne, et all).
   Hoping he gets the old Manny being Manny.
   Low risk. High reward. Fun times.

Rangers' Regret: Chris Davis Has Fully Blossomed ... Elsewhere

   You knew the drill.
   Chris Davis, Longview native by way of Navarro Junior College, would crush the ball at Triple-A for a couple months, get called up to the Texas Rangers and ... strikeout, strikeout and more strikeouts.
   The 2006 5th-round draft pick's potential was tantalizing; His results infuriating.
   So two summers ago - July 30, 2011 - the Rangers made a decision to trade Davis and pitcher Tommy Hunter to the Baltimore Orioles. For reliever Koji Uehara, and $2 million cash. Rangers' general manager Jon Daniels has made some great deals to establish his organization as one of the best in Major League Baseball, but that one has got to be one of his worst.
   Because, in case you'd long given up on Davis, he's now having an epic season in Baltimore.
   Only 27, he leads baseball with 31 homers (on pace for 59) and is Top 5 in slugging percentage, total bases, batting average, on-base  percentage and doubles. Last week he became the first player in MLB history to amass 30 homers and 25 doubles by July 1. Oh, and he's a lock to start next week's All-Star Game at 1st Base.
   Yes, Rangers fans, you're going to need a barf bag.

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   In Arlington Davis was hindered by the pressure of trying to be a home-grown hero, which diluted his patience at the plate. Result? How about 238 strikeouts - and only 38 homers - in 686 at-bats with the Rangers in 2008-09 and just another six dingers from 2010-11, when Texas finally decided their future was brighter with Mitch Moreland manning 1st.
   Given his immense skill set - power at the plate and Gold Glove in the field - the Rangers had to envision this breakout was a possibility. But that doesn't soothe the hurt feelings of fans who have seen 1st Base be one of the team's most fascinating and frustrating positions.
   Mike Hargrove was AL Rookie of the Year in '74. Pete O'Brien was solid, if not spectacular in the '80s. And then came Rafael Palmeiro and Will Clark - you probably heard of them - in the '90s. Guys named Carlos Pena ('01), Travis Hafner ('02) and Adrian Gonzalez ('05) had sips of cappuccino at 1st in Texas. Mark Texeira assumed the position in '03, but left a gaping hole with his departure via trade in '07.
   In his wake the Rangers tried some Hank Blalock, a little Ben Broussard, a lot of Davis, a pinch of Justin Smoak and even picked up Jorge Cantu for the '10 playoff run. Last couple of years Mike Napoli and Michael Young even played 1st and some dude named Chris Guiness got 34 at-bats at the position this summer.
   Nothing glaringly wrong with Moreland, who's been hurt this year. But his 12 homers and .268 average pale in comparison to the Rangers' latest one to get away ... Crush Davis.

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The 20 Best Players in the History of Your Texas Rangers

   He played in the Rangers’ first three playoff series. Won a record 13 Gold Gloves as a catcher. Holds the Major League record with 2,377 games caught, started 12 All-Star Games and won seven Silver Slugger Awards. In an era where the league average for throwing out base-runners was 31 percent, eight times he led baseball by gunning down more than 50 percent.

   In 1999, he was the American League Most Valuable Player. And from the time he arrived in Arlington as a 19-year-old in 1991 he set the standard for Rangers’ catchers past, present and future.

   Johnny Bench might have been a better defensive catcher. Mike Piazza better offensively. But there’s never been a better Ranger than …

   Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez.

   My Top 20 all-time Texas Rangers ...

20. Alex Rodriguez - If he wasn't a 'roided-up a-hole he'd be much higher

19. Jeff Burroughs - '74 AL MVP
18. Julio Franco - '91 batting champ with .341 average
17. Frank Howard - Hit first homer at Arlington Stadium, then 245 as Ranger
16. Will Clark - Grinding first baseman on Texas' first two division champs

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15. Buddy Bell - Best defensive infielder in history of franchise

14. Rusty Greer - Did he ever catch a fly ball without diving?

13. Nolan Ryan - Seventh no-hitter and 5,000th strikeout be damned, 51 wins rank only 11th

12. Fergie Jenkins - 90 complete games, 17 shutouts and 25 wins in '74

11. John Wetteland - All-time saves leader

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10. Toby Harrah - Original shortstop is sixth all-time in games played; second in stolen bases

9. Kenny Rogers - Best lefty pitcher, by a mile over Jon Matlack

8. Jim Sundberg - Third in games played, six consecutive Gold Gloves at catcher

7. Ruben Sierra - Second in triples and one of the best OF arms in team history

6. Charlie Hough - Chain-smoking knuckleballer holds every important pitching record

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5. Rafael Palmeiro - Steroids or not, he's third in hits and second in franchise homers

4. Josh Hamilton - AL batting champ and MVP on franchise's first World Series team

3. Michael Young - Franchise leader in games, at-bats, runs and hits

2. Juan Gonzalez - Texas' only two-time MVP

1. Pudge Rodriguez - Team's all-time best defensive player also among Top 10 in every offensive stat and won MVP in '99

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Two Years Too Little Too Late, Rangers Finally Win in St. Louis

   I'll never forget being tearful in the tunnel.
   After a 40-year wait, the climax was within four seconds. In the bowels of St. Louis' Busch Stadium on the chilly night of Oct. 27, 2011, I was among about 100 media members assembled on the perch of history. The Texas Rangers, long the laughingstock of Major League Baseball, led the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, three games to two and were now - despite blowing leads of 1-0, 3-2, 4-3 and 7-4 - just one strike away from their first title.
   With a 7-5 lead, two outs in the bottom of the 9th, two strikes on David Freese and All-Star closer Neftali Feliz on the mound, finally, this was it.
   As we watch on a tiny TV in the corner near the 1st-base entrance to the Cardinals' dugout, photographers and cameramen frantically wrap their equipment in plastic and themselves in ponchos to protect from the imminent onslaught of champagne. MLB officials from Major League Baseball hand out information regarding the logistics of the post-game ceremonies. And whisked by on carts are boxes containing Rangers' "World Champions" hats and T-shirts.
   With tears in my eyes and trembling in my hands, I prepare the celebratory Tweet I thought I'd never write:

After 40 years your Texas Rangers are finally champions. As Mark Holtz would've proudly bellowed: "Hello, World Series win column!"

   Since you know the rest of the story - Freese tripled, Rangers lost, and again the next night in Game 7 - you know I never hit send. Only the back-back-back-back button, until the Tweet, and the championship, were painfully erased.

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   A lot has changed since those October bummers two years ago. Josh Hamilton and Michael Young and Mike Napoli are gone and Feliz is now a starter on the shelf with an injury. And then, just to remind us again of what could have been and almost was, the Rangers up and won three straight from the Cardinals over the weekend.

   Call it the most bittersweet sweep in franchise history.
   Nick Tepesch handcuffed the best team in baseball late Sunday night in a 2-1 win, punctuating a series in which Texas held the Cards to a combined seven runs. Nelson Cruz, who of course misplayed Freese's epic triple in '11, hit and Martin Perez pitched and the Rangers ... did absolutely nothing to erase the ghosts of their Adversity Under the Arch.
   The Rangers have fully recovered from their recent six-game losing streak. They took three of four from the Oakland A's and have now won five of six to steady their ship and regain firm footing as one of the best teams in baseball.
   But as much as creating new joy, the weekend sweep in St. Louis simply served as a reminder of the pain that still lingers. And probably always will.

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