WHITT'S END: 2.6.14

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:

   *I'm cool with the Rangers' Snow Globe Life Park. You? ...

   *When this guy plays with energy, the Mavs are dangerous ...

   *I spy Tony Romo ...

Click to become a DFWSportatorium Member.

The South Pacific's Wide World of (Very Un-American) Sports

   ... Annnnd we're back.
   So last night my new newly minted wife and I were re-entering North America's atmosphere after 18 days abroad when a couple things hit me:
   *Taking off from Fiji at 9:45 p.m. on Monday, flying for 13 hours, and then landing at Love Field at 7:45 p.m. on, um, Monday is just plain weird. My head and my iPhone's clock/calendar are still spinning.
   *It's extremely rude for DFW to welcome us back with wind chills in the teens. One day we're on the beach in 92-degree heat and humidity; the next same day our shorts and sunburns are shivering.
   *Whatdya know, it's Super Bowl Media Day.
   As Americans we're pretty confident the world rotates around our axis. And to some degree it does. There are four McDonald's in Tahiti and Kim Kardashian's ass-et graced the cover of some magazine in Fiji. But one thing became abundantly clear as we vacationed our way through Tahiti, Moorea, Bora Bora, New Zealand, Australia and Fiji - the rest of the world (or at least the South Pacific) doesn't give a Bula! about sports in the United States.
   Instead, they're consumed with ...

Click to become a DFWSportatorium Member.

The 10 Very Most Dumbest Rules in Sports. And How to Fix 'Em.

   Okay, let me get this straight: Yoenis Cespedes didn't make baseball's All-Star Game and hasn't hit a home run for the Oakland A's since June 21, but last night he walloped 32 dingers to win the 2013 All-Star Home Run Derby?
   Yeah, totally makes sense.
   But, come to think of it, lots of things about sports are nonsensical. Josh Brent still being a Cowboy. Rex Ryan running with the bulls in Spain. Mavs fans actually thinking they're going to finally hook a big fish. And tonight, when baseball will decide something as important as home-field advantage for the World Series via something as insignificant as an exhibition game.
   That's right, since 1980 25 of the 32 World Series champs had the benefit of home-field advantage and again it will "awarded" to the team that plays in the league that wins tonight's All-Star Game.
   Baseball, of course, isn't alone with its stupidity. There are inexplicable, asinine rules throughout sports, and it just so happens that I'm in the mood to identify the Top 10, and then fix them ...

Pages:    1       2       3   

---

(continued from page 1)

   10. Tennis Scoring – Look, I love this sport. To watch and to play. But a system in which zero is Love and the points in a game are counted by 15, 30 and then 40 and then “deuce” is just insane. From now on: To win a game in tennis you have to win four points – counted 1-2-3-4 – and you have to win by two. Sorry, Love is overrated.

   9. Designated Hitter – A baseball game without pitchers hitting is like a steak dinner, with no sides. Just meat, no strategy. No reason pitchers can’t spend one of their four off days between starts working on at least being a .237 hitter. Imagine if Dirk Nowitzki only played offense for the Mavs? From now on: AL plays by the same rules as the NL. If you’re not in good enough physical condition to play in the field, get your ass in shape or get on to your next career. Right, Albert Pujols?

   8. Draft Order – Much ado about our government’s so-called “socialism” with the haves propping up the have-nots. Why do we stand for it in sports? The spoils of success should include a higher draft pick, not a lower one. In our existing system, we’re actually rewarding failure. As a kid it’s always make-it-take-it and “losers walk,” not vice-versa. From now on: A championship in a pro league comes with a trophy, a parade and next year’s No. 1 draft pick. Screw you, parity.

   7. Points For a Loss – C’mon hockey. You know better. Under your rules NBA and NFL teams would get 1/3^rd of a win for merely being tied after regulation. From now on: Hockey has a winner every night. If overtimes take too long, see and implement No. 2.

   6. Illegal Contact – Yeah, I get it. A defensive back shouldn’t significantly impede the progress of a receiver in the secondary. But the problem is the punishment is too penal. A 5-yard penalty should never equal an automatic first down. From now on: Illegal contact/interference penalties are neither spot fouls nor automatic first downs. Take the spot of the penalty, get the number of yards the foul occurred from the line of scrimmage and then half that total. There’s your penalty yardage.

Pages:    1       2       3   

---

(continued from page 2)

   5. Extra Points – It’s the most automatic, predictable and mundane play in all of sports. A team drives 80 yards with an efficient, rugged combo of running, passing, blocking and shrewd play-calling. Then, with all the ease of pulling the level on your recliner, a guy who’s rarely on the field comes out and non-chalantly scores 1/6^th as many points as the preceding drive. Using merely one foot. From now on: Football teams must go for two points after every touchdown. And while we’re at it, how about exterminating kickers altogether? Teams have four downs to make 10 yards or else they give the ball to the defense. Sorry, FOOTball is overrated.

   4. Baseball Managers in Uniforms – Imagine how silly it would look for Rick Carlisle to be suited up in shorts or Jason Garrett to be wearing a helmet during games. From now on: Managers must wear at least business casual and, oh, they’re also strictly prohibited from running onto the field to stop play while haplessly arguing a judgment call. And, as for pitching changes, players run off the field to hear the coach in the dugout, not vice-versa. Like in football and basketball. Duh.

   3. Possession Arrow – Not sure why we got rid of jump balls in the first place, but whatever the reason it was a hideous one. Taking turns getting awarded the ball on jump balls is short-sighted, shallow and unfair. Wichita State was down three late to Louisville in last March's Final Four when a tie ball occurred and, because the arrow pointed to the Cardinals, never got a chance to tie the game. If human refs can’t handle tossing a ball straight up 5 feet, then we need better refs. From now on: Tie balls = Jump balls. And get to work pronto on a mechanical gizmo that hovers over courts and perfectly drops basketballs in the middle of the two contesting players.

   2. Offsides – Hear me out soccer and hockey. One of the most exciting plays in sports is the football bomb to an open receiver and the basketball breakaway dunk behind the defense. In hockey you can’t be in the offensive zone before the puck and in soccer you can’t receive a pass unless a defender is at least even with you. Imagine, no more Tony Romo deep passes to Dez Bryant – unless he’s covered. And LeBron James has to slow down and wait for his point guard to catch up on a fast break. From now on: Soccer and hockey players can accept a pass whenever and wherever they want. I know, what a concept.

   1. Coin Flip – We’ve got instant replay and yellow lines and safer helmets and DVRs and a relatively sophisticated, advanced society. But we can’t come up with anything better to break a tie than something we resorted to as 6-year-olds? Coins should not play a part in sports. Ever. In baseball the home team bats last. In basketball it’s a jump ball. But in football it’s just left to chance … to “heads” or “tails”? From now on: The home team gets the choice as to whether it wants the ball to start the game. And, in overtime, the team with the most yards in that particular game gets the ball first. Until we change coins out of sports, we’re all just Neanderthals watching an archaic hobby.

Pages:    1      2      3   

---

My Top 10 Whitty Observations About U.S.A 6, Belize 1 (That's Soccer)

   Ah, Belize.
   Gorgeous place. The remote, northern-most country in Central America, just a tad south of Cancun. Protected by the world's second-largest barrier reef, its water is crystal-clear green and calm, no waves crashing onto its pristine white-sand beaches. Go to the town of San Pedro on Ambergris Caye and it's like Land of the Lost, where there are no cars, tons of golf carts, only music from the '80s and exclusively Belikin beer.
   Oh yeah, did I mention soccer?
   No, and that's because Belize sucks at its national sport.
   Vacationed in Belize over Christmas 2011 and loved it. Watched the Belizeans pratfall against the U.S. on the pitch last night and was significantly less impressed.

Pages:    1       2       3   

---

(continued from page 1)

   10. Not exactly sure what the Gold Cup is - a tournament between North and Central America and the Caribbean, I think - but with fodder like Belize, Martinica and Haiti littering the schedule, can't we just fast-forward the U.S.-Mexico title match July 28 at Chicago's Soldier Field?

   9. The crowd of almost 20,000 in Portland was raucous and all soccer-singing, but wondering why one of these games isn't played at Frisco's Pizza Hut Park FC Dallas Stadium? Initial guess would be that it's too small, but capacity is 20,000.
   8. Far as I could tell the U.S. trotted out its junior varsity, with the only regulars being Landon Donovan and DaMarcus Beasley. Guess that's all you need against a team that had to hold fund-raisers just to make the trip from Belize.
   7. Bad news? Belize actually scored. And, from a U.S. perspective, it was an ugly goal. Guy in the box was left unmarked, so much so that he was able to head the ball into the net without jumping or being the least bit bothered. Horrible marking.
   6. The U.S. exploded for six goals, which is akin to the Cowboys topping 50 points in an NFL game. The outburst came less than a week after a 6-0 win over Guatemala, making it the first back-to-back, six-goal games for the Americans since 1993.

Pages:    1       2       3   

---

(continued from page 2)

   5. I realize he's a German soccer icon, but isn't it a little humiliating that a country as big and as proud as ours has to look overseas to hire Jurgen Klinsmann as our soccer coach? I guess all those who drive a BMW would disagree.

   4. This wasn't the same American team that embarrassingly lost to Honduras in February. Or, perhaps more appropriately, this was a much weaker opponent. The U.S. is ranked 22nd in the world; Belize 130th.

   3. I actually enjoyed the game. Maybe because the Rangers were done and nothing else was on TV at 10 p.m. Still, not a bad watch. Don't know if I'll schedule my Saturday around U.S.-Cuba but, check that, I do know. And I won't. Let's not get carried away.

   2. Props to Donovan. The veteran has persevered, and even excelled, during soccer's relative anonymity in this country. Last night he added a goal and two assists, giving him 52 scores and 51 helpers in his career. No other American has reached 50 in either category.
   1. Chris Wondolowski produced a hat trick. In the first half. Dude plays for San Jose in Major League Soccer, so it's not like he's a nobody from nowhere. Explain that to the American team's "seamstress", who inexplicably crow-barred an extra 'w' in the middle of his last name. Imagine the Miami Heat printing Wade's first name as "Dwyane". Wait, that's right isn't it? Yet oh so wrong. Whatever, dare I say Chris' performance was Wondo-ful? U-S-A! U-S-A!!

Pages:    1      2      3   

---

Battered in Brazil: The Most Gruesome Sports Story Ever

   All eyes will soon be on Brazil.
   May I recommend protective goggles?
   The South American country - known for its beautiful beaches, seductively waxed women and raucous parties - will host two of the world's biggest sporting events in the coming years: The World Cup in 2014 and The Summer Olympics in 2016. But if what happened last week is any indication, there won't be enough security on the planet to insulate us.
   In one of the most violent and gruesome sports stories ever, a 20-year-old soccer referee stabbed a player to death, then was attacked, killed - and eventually dismemebered - by an angry mob of fans.
   Yep, you heard me.

Pages:    1       2   

---

(continued from page 1)

   In Brazil they call futbol "The Beautiful Game." But this is as ugly as it gets.
   It was an amateur match in Maranhao, the country's northeast region a thousand miles from Rio. After a foul called by Otavio Jordao da Silva, 30-year-old player Josenir dos Santos Abreu approached to argue and threw a punch, but was stabbed by the referee with a knife.
   As the player was taken away in an ambulance, friends and fans stormed the field and attacked da Silva, tying him up and beating him. And when word of Abreu's death en route to the hosptial reached the mob, they then lynched him, stoned him and ultimately cut of his limbs and his head, placing it on a spike in the middle of the field.
   So far there has been one arrest.
   And lots of reminders that John McEnroe's tirades toward linesmen weren't so bad after all.
   For those of you with creepy curiosity, here is the video of doctors attempting to piece back together the referee's ravaged body: Definitely NSFW.

Pages:    1      2   

---