Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End
*Saturday in Canton, Ohio is Larry Allen's crowning achievement: Induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. One of the greatest offensive linemen in the history of not only the Cowboys but also the NFL, Allen was a man of big accomplishment and little words. The over/under on his acceptance speech is two minutes (Michael Irvin's went 26.) But once upon a time - almost 12 years ago to the day - he invited me into his personal golf cart to chat extensively about how the hell he bench-pressed 700 pounds.
Read for yourself. And, yes, I said
seven hundred pounds.
See for yourself.
*Yu Darvish was crazy good Thursday night for the Rangers. Struck out the first six Diamondbacks - all swinging - and finished with 14 K's in a dominating performance. He's had three outings this season with 14 strikeouts and no walks. I said
this season. In their careers Randy Johnson only had eight and Roger Clemens seven.
*What started as my mistake led to an eye-opening observation last night at Denver International Airport. Headed back to Dallas after
my Rocky Mountain High in Colorado, I left a big can of shaving cream in my carry-on. Big no-no. Confiscated at security. No biggie. But then as I'm walking into a restaurant my buddy warns me "Hey, be careful. Those things could poke somebody in the eye." He was referencing the sharp tips of my hiking poles, tucked onto the side of my backpack. Then, as we sit down to dinner, the waitress brought me a proper metal fork. A sharp plastic toothpick carrying limes. And a glass of water. So, really TSA, you'll take away shaving cream but allow me to board a plane with two 6-foot spears, metal and plastic stabbing devices and what could easily be fashioned into a sharp shard of glass? Also spotted in the airport: Guys carrying a skateboard and plastic swimming fins. You don't have to be
MacGruber to envision the damage those "weapons" could levy on a plane. Seriously, are we this stupid?
*Honestly, I don't really miss radio. (Well, other than the six-figure salary.) My life is better without
my former boss and ex-partner. But Sunday afternoon I will be bumming when - for the first time since 2009 - I'm not part of the official Cowboys' Pre-Game Show on 105.3 The Fan. The official radio home of the Cowboys will keep
New School on its pre-game show and replace Mark Elfenbein with
Ben and Skin on the post-game. They've also made a player swap on game days. Out: Rocket Ismail; In: Marc Colombo.
*Don't you if you've noticed but I'm the skeptical type. I need the facts to back things up. So when
I read about tennis No. 1 Novak Djokovic drastically improving his health via a test that included holding a piece of bread to his stomach, I initially guffawed with raised eybrows. But I'll be dang if it doesn't work. It's called a Kinesiological test, and it helps you determine which foods you are allergic to. The theory: Outside influences dictate your inner body. Try this: Stand up, hold out your right arm and place your left hand on your stomach. Have a friend try to push down your extended arm. Then put a cell phone in your left hand and have the friend try again. The difference is amazing. Bottom line: Find out what's healthy for you, and stop carrying your cell phone in your front pocket. If you know what I mean.
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Hot.
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Not.
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*It's cool to be photographed with Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson. Unless, that is, you trade in the star on your helmet for a Dodgers' cap. Right, DeMarcus Ware and Jason Witten?
*Like father, like son? Read
this story about Johnny Manziel and you'll no longer be guessing where his horrible decision-making stems from.
*Speaking of Allen, he often lends professional expertise and personal friendship to current Cowboys' offensive lineman Tyron Smith. They text each other constantly. And, by the way, did we all know that Tyron is a cousin of another popular Cowboy named Emmitt Smith? I'm attempting to trace that branch of the Smith family tree. Stay tuned.
*Why is baseball in negotiations to "cut a deal" with Alex Rodriguez? He took steroids. He denied taking steroids. He admitted taking steroids. He apologized for taking steroids. Then he secretly again began taking steroids. As a multiple offender, A-Rod should be banned for life. No questions. No deals.
*Rumor I refuse to believe but that I've heard from multiple, unrelated sources: Kidd Kraddick often dabbled in cocaine, sometimes partying past closing time at old Uptown joints like Aura. Even if true, it wouldn't tarnish his radio legacy or diminish his immense charitable work for kids.
*The Rangers' resurgence can be traced to one at-bat. Texas limped home Monday after three shutouts in Cleveland and were managing little against the Angels, entering the 9th trailing 3-2. Against closer Ernesto Frieri, A.J. Pierzynski got behind 1-2 before launching a poorly placed fastball into the right-field seats for a game-tying homer. Since that pitch the Rangers have hit three walk-off homers, won four in a row and sliced Oakland's lead in the AL West from 6 games to 3.5. Was it a temporary fix or long-term solution? We're about to find out as the Rangers visit the A's for three games this weekend.
*Best show on TV these days is - without a lick of nudity or violence - HBO's
Newsroom. Good writing can still make a great show.
*Buddy of mine has a genius idea: Every girl under 17 years, 364 days old should be legally forced to wear only red swimsuits. As in "stop" looking. Know what I mean?
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*Been to lots of concerts and made lots of good memories at Starplex, but it's got nothing on Red Rocks in Denver. It's totally outdoors, no reserved seating, marijuana friendly and offers a spectacular view of the valley leading to downtown in the distance. Best of all, the venue is a city park and, therefore, open to the public every day. Went Thursday and there were tons of folks jogging the stairs, doing yoga or simply having lunch and enjoying the views. By the way, there are 381 steps to the top of Red Rocks at an elevation of 7,000 feet, another reason Denver is one of America's healthiest cities.
*Riley Cooper's "I will fight every n*gger here!" proclamation at a Kenny Chesney concert has him in hot water. He should be fined and forced to take sensitivity training. The incident brings up two points: 1. Unfortunately in this (red)neck of the woods that sentiment isn't that shocking; 2. Wouldn't it be like one against two, three at the most?
*Wait, UpdateFrisco.com, in your
July 22 "breaking news" story about the Cowboys moving headquarters you write "You heard it here first!" Um, don't you mean
you heard it here first back on July 16? Yes, I think you do.
*If you're one of those that grouses "sports stadiums are just about rich people getting richer", think again. The City of Arlington paid $325 million for Cowboys Stadium. Owner Jerry Jones kicked in three times that much, around $900 million. Four years later? Arlington's tax revenue is at an all-time high, the city is relevant from a national perspective and will pay off its stadium debt 10 years early thanks in part to revenue from the building's new naming-rights deal with AT&T. Arlington has won more outside the stadium than the Cowboys have won inside it.
*Devin Harris, Maverick. I'm still looking for a reason to be excited about Dallas' off-season. Former No. 1 overall pick Greg Oden will choose his new team today and is expected to join either the Spurs, Heat or, yep, Mavs.
*When you watch Bill Parcells get enshrined in the Hall of Fame Saturday, remember that good things sometimes happen to shitty people.
*Flashing sign in the Roxborough Park suburb of Denver you'll never read anywhere in Dallas: "Bear activity alert HIGH. Take precaution. Secure all food. Remove all bird feeders."
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*Like you, I'll watch every second of Sunday night's Cowboys-Dolphins exhibition despite Tony Romo not playing. But, seriously, is there anything less meaningful than an NFL pre-season opener? Oh yeah, pre-season openers in every other sport. Despite that,
people will bet on the game. That's sick. Trust me, I used to be one of those people.
*I know stealing is wrong, but there's something romantic and kinda cool about
a jewelry heist in Cannes, France in which one burglar hurt no one and walked away in less than a minute with $136 million.
*If you can supposedly jinx a no-hitter by talking about it, why can't you also snap a slump by chatting it up? When the Rangers were mired in their 26-inning scoreless streak, fans should have been saturating Twitter with "the Rangers haven't scored a run in 26 innings." Then, presto, runs! Right?
*Despite plans to the contrary, I won't be making it out to Cowboys' training camp in Oxnard next week. Reason: Just too dang busy getting Pizza Buzz open by the end of the month and in time for the start of football season. Had no idea how difficult and tedious it was to launch a small business. In the end it will be rewarding. But at the start it's unfathomably time-consuming.
*Cowboys' safety Barry Church broke his tooth and subsequently missed a day of camp undergoing a root canal. The culprit: Jolly Rancher hard candy. Who among us hasn't chomped on one of those or even ice. We treat our bodies like crap don't we?
*Yeah, President Obama sure is ruining our economy. Unemployment at a five-year low and the stock market at an all-time high.
*During our 45-minute flight delay last night at the airport we played a little game: We assessed 61 women that walked by and counted how many were "doable", as in, you'd admit doing her to your friends. I predicted only one in five would make the cut and, sure enough, we had 11 yes's and 50 no's. That's only 18%. Moral to the story: If you have a hot woman, hold onto her.
*This weekend? Tennis Saturday, then a trek to JoCoMoFo for mom's birthday. Sunday smells like a good day to lounge in the pool before watching some NFL. Don't be a stranger.
