*Howdy. Since Richie’s been mailing it in this week, and I just so happen
to have a little extra time on my hands these days, I decided to jump in the
Sportatorium driver’s seat. So grab a coffee/beer/joint and let’s go reading!
*Game 1 of the World Series was last night, as was
Duck Dynasty. I
don’t have a vested interest in either one so I spend time pondering more
important matters…like whose beard would win in a fight?
*I’m usually a fan of playoff songs to support your favorite team, but who thought
this was a good idea? She sounds nothing like Lorde, and the commenters on this here blog could undoubtedly write
funnier lyrics. Besides, if this is what we’re missing out on by “never being
Cardinals”, I’ll take it.
*In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. The dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious
felonies are members of an elite squad known as the “Special Victim’s Unit”.
These are their stories. In related news, who knew Olivia Benson was hanging out at Budget Suites in The Colony?
*Looks like Pauly D’s definitely DTF. Down to Father. The
Jersey Shore alum knocked up a former
Hooters waitress in Vegas, and now they’re battling over custody.
His babymama ain’t bad-looking either. Wouldn’t it be great if his daughter Amabella dated
Snooki’s son Lorenzo? Oh, I’m the only one who thinks that’s cool? Alright
then, I’ll just sit back down over here.
*I consider myself a
reality tv junkie, and I’ll cop to watching the worst of the worst shows (
Bad Girls Club, anyone?) But
Big Tips Texas is about to get itself
deleted off my season pass. I was so excited to see a local show about “hot”,
crazy girls right here in our backyard, and if it’s MTV, it’s gotta be slick,
right? Wrong. The scenes are so fake (“I hate that girl. I wanna kick her ass. Oh,
she coinciveniently showed up at the exact same bar at the exact same time on
the exact same night as us? I’m gonna confront her.”) and we’re being sold a
bill of goods because only two of the castmembers are actually attractive. Case
in point.
*If you’re wife/girlfriend/sidepiece is still undecided on
what to wear for Halloween, Kristen Schaal has a
possibly NSFW solution.
*
Hot.
*
Not.
(continued from page 1)
*I was slightly intrigued by the YTMA, but then I watched
this video of
Reggie Watts trying to explain how the voting process works and
my mind exploded. If you
do care
enough to diagram it out, you may also wanna watch the award ceremony via live
stream on Nov. 3
rd.
*Eff/Marry/Kill these birthday celebrators: Jay Novacek (51),
Drake (27), Tila Tequila (32)
*If you’re the kind of parent who thinks a score of 91-0 is
somehow “bullying”, you’re probably sissy enough to appreciate this innovative
mom's idea. It seems the flesh-colored, lifeless mounds that act as Barbie’s rack and
sweet spot are much too naughty for kids to see. So she's devised a way to
cover up the devil’s details
with nail polish. ‘Merica: Land of the fearful.
Home of the hey, that’s not fair.
*Who makes a better Elton John:
Justin Timberlake or
TomHardy? Now I’m gonna have “B-B-B-Bane-y and the Jets” stuck in my
head the rest of the day.
*So
this is a real thing, huh? #Mamming
*Dear Santa, I’ve been good
this year. I volunteered at multiple
DFW Rescue Me events and last month, even
though our meal at Sambuca was comped, I still tipped 20%. Can I pleeease have
one of these for Christmas?
*While we’re talking DFWRM,
check out the
2014 calendar featuring local rescue dogs. It’ll make a
perfect stocking stuffer. (Hint, hint.)
(continued from page 2)
*Media Takeout, I hate you.
When I see the headline “Explicit Photos of Tyga’s Babymama- EXTREMELY GRAPHIC” with a CENSORED
bar over the crotch, I assume it’s covering up something obscene. Because I’m over 18 and curious, I took the
bait. And what was I treated to? This
perfectly safe photo of Blac Chyna in a
bikini. Reminds me a lot of Jimmy Kimmel’s “Unnecessary Censorship”- just minus the
funny.
*Speaking of unnecessary censorship...
you're welcome.
*How am I just now seeing
this video? (Depending on your job, potentially NSFW)
*Just when I think Lady
Gaga has cornered the market on pop idol weirdos,
Katy Perry reveals that shekeeps Miley Cyrus’ hair in her purse.
*Today? It’s been a few months since I’ve made the
hour-and-a-half trek to FW to see
Pizza Buzz. Think I’ll hitch a ride
with Richie to scope out the progress. Don’t be a stranger.
