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Monday, February 17, 2014

WHITT'S END: 2.17.14

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:

   *This coach really cares if you wear your hat backward ...

   *With this remake, we've (again) officially run out of ideas ...

   *Why this is the lamest of all our holidays ...


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24 comments:

  1. If a blog is written, but no one is around to read it, did the blog ever really get written?

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  2. After a platter of “Old Fashioned Enchiladas” from Don Pablos, I can count on myself to produce a work of art. As the resturant is only 5 minutes from my office, I decided to stop in for lunch on Friday. 45 minutes later, I had consumed enough gastrointestinal TNT to blow up downtown Baghdad. With the fuse lit, I proceeded back to my office to wait for detonation.

    As the elevator opened up to the 8th floor, that's when it hit me. First, a low rumbling, then a sound similar of a cat in heat, followed by a sudden powerful plunge of pressure starting at my sternum and extending below my abdomen. This was serious, my colon was at Defcon 1. The curing agents and chemical ad-mixtures in the load of Pablo were working overtime on my sphincter.

    I joyfully exited the elevator and started the March of Glory to the bathroom. As I passed one of my co-worker’s offices I stuck my head through the door and announced "DUDE! I'M ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH! GET ME SOME FORCEPS, HOT WATER & A GOOD MAGAZINE!!" After receiving the “thumbs up” signal and a wish for good luck, I entered the infamous Stall #4. I slammed the door shut after grabbing the newspaper off of the edge of the sink and sat down. Ahhh, finally I was set... or at least I thought so. I positioned my ass-cheeks on the saddle and prepared to launch an attack of bunghole Blitzkrieg.

    I began to push... nothing. AGAIN! Nothing. My gut was in extreme pain. The pinworm cannon was jammed and there was a live round hung up in the breach. I knew there was only one thing to do!

    I threw down the newspaper, grabbed hold of the handicap bar, and pushed like I never pushed before.

    Just as the veins in my forehead were about to burst, the toe of the Sasquatch emerged. Slowly it started its violent decent, gaining momentum like a flaming space shuttle re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere. It was on its way and my tender bunghole felt like someone had used a cutting torch to expand my rim to about 6 inches in diameter!

    The creature from the depths of my rectal cavity kept coming. I had to stand up to make room for the tail end of the serpent to enter the bowl, fearing that the tree limb that was emerging from my starfish might be too rigid to conform to the contoured confines of the porcelain palace.

    With one last abdominal contraction, my spider slammed shut. It was finally over. Sweat was pouring off my brow, I had sore abdominal muscles that were on the verge of cramping and a bright red throbbing starfish... but at least the firefight was over.

    Before I started the first aid on my wounded Brown Beret, I took a few deep breaths and tried to regain my composure. As I fought to keep my butt from slipping into Post –Traumatic Stress Syndrome, I turned around to look at the carnage of the battle. That is when I realized the true horror of war. I couldn't believe my eyes! Before me sat a three inch in diameter, eleven inch long royal brown colored loaf. I have never seen anything so horrific in all my life.

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    Replies
    1. Pics or it didn't happen.

      http://youtu.be/4Uvl9Mstj4A

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    2. E.W.W. should get a cut of the subscriber fee.

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  3. Ill start coming back to read this blog for comments like that. I've missed reading your fine work Elmer Wayne....

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  4. I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

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  5. Pizza Buzz closed today. Here's my shocked face. :/

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    Replies
    1. They are being sold to a new owner you dipshit.

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    2. Prob someone who knows how to run a business.

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    3. Yeah, you're right. Start a business, sell it for more than you have in it.... Just not how to run a business.... And this from a person who had trouble with the word probably....

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    4. Documentation of this? It's my word vs. yours. My word says the pizza was cardboard and the sales were through the floor.

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    5. hahah..damn RW, at least make it KINDA difficult to figure out its you posting Anon!

      here's the deal..its no surprise you're "selling"...just like it'll be no surprise that within 6mths that cartoon-y bee will be completely vanished. you're "great idea" was flawed from the start....

      Making pizza is cheap. Once you get the equip. settled, its easy to get a high return on $$. But..you're pizza is just like your competitors..except you have a very little area you can only deliver to. (shot in the foot #1)

      Oh, you deliver beer though? Great Schtick, right? Nope...the only way to make any sort of profit on alcohol this way is to charge close to 3x the amount it cost you wholesale. Thus a 6pk of Bud becomes $10+..which just ain't gonna roll, holmes. $1 beer specials, anyone?! (Shot in the foot #2.)

      i mean..do you REALLY, TRULY believe you were the first to think of this "amazing idea"? You don't think the Big Boys of PapaJohns, Dominos, etc have tossed around this concept..with the means to actually strike a deal with a specific distribution?! That's bonkers, bro. BONKERS!

      Ah well...at least you got this money-maker of a blog, right?! Stay Hard, B.T.

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    6. The only dipshits are those that overpayed for shitty pizza and overpriced shit beer more than once.

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  6. Riche, you bring so much of this on yourself! Quit being the poster child for douchebags!

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  7. Well... that didn't took that long... now the question is... How long will RW's marriage will last ??? Wanna bet ???

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    Replies
    1. < 2yrs. Engaged when both had radio jobs. Had to follow through to keep appearances, plus a small business. Married with said business gone, and a part-time button pusher gig. And staring at 50.

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  8. I'm still waiting for that those long-form stories he promised since starting the paywall last year (vacation five-part doesn't count). Integrity = zero.

    And if sale of pizza biz is so great based on sales doing well it would have stayed open pending sale. Ain't the case, obviously.

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  9. Pizza Buzz website says they will open in 20 hours. Are they just closed for Presidents Day?

    They should add a couple craft beer options. That is the hottest beer category right now. Sales of fizzy yellow water are down industry wide. DUH.

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  10. Who shuts down during a sale? Sounds like someone couldn't handle the overhead. Maybe they found an investor, but he obviously said he didn't want the existing ownership to have anything to do with the business going forward.

    I mean come on, Richie, you were soliciting investors on Twitter of all places. LOL. Who does that?

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    Replies
    1. I don't think there has been a sale bro. He tweeted "here's to offers that can't be refused" He started charging for this thing thinking people would actually pay for what Richie Whitt thinks about the going ons in the world. Hell, he even said he cancelled his $20 a month AOL account that he's been paying for 19 years. This on top of his his wedding/honeymoon to roam the South Pacific.

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    2. Only an idiot would pay a premium for a place with very few months of revenue numbers, and only a very stupid or very lazy operator would sell a place that was doing numbers that were stellar enough to convince anyone to PAY a premium. Given the crowded nature of the delivery-pizza space, and the huge ad budgets of most of the major players, this is a fire sale for sure. Maybe just for the liquor license transfer. Usually, that's a token payment. If the place had 3 - 5 years of numbers, one could believe someone would pay anything for the place. Otherwise....ahem, no. People without restaurant ops experience always VASTLY underestimate operating costs. They think, "buy an oven, a few refrigerators, dough and cheese and pepperoni and blammo! We're selling pies that cost 1 dollar for 15 bucks! We're rich!" Then the reality sets in. Amateurs always get bent over.

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    3. ^^^ Exactly. I mean ^^^ mother*cking exactly.

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