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Monday, February 3, 2014

WeddingHoneymoonVacation Review: TAHITI


   First in a 5-part series recapping my weddinghoneymoonvacation in the South Pacific that spanned five countries, 10 time zones, 11 airports and countless memories. It's our vacation virtual slide show, from the comfort of your own couch.


   *Paradise sometimes arrives via houseboat. But, alas, the usher to our South Pacific excursion instead showed up in a housecoat ...

   *Tahiti is to tourists as Valentine's Day is to ...

   *Who knew that in Tahiti resided the world's oldest ...

   *Screw Tahiti, when in this part of the world you gotta sneak away to ...

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   First in a 5-part series recapping my weddinghoneymoonvacation in the South Pacific that spanned five countries, 10 time zones, 11 airports and countless memories. It's our vacation virtual slide show, from the comfort of your own couch.


Sybil, extremely happy at this Tahitian waterfall
   Paradise sometimes arrives via houseboat. But, alas, the usher to our South Pacific excursion instead showed up in a housecoat.
   And broken glasses missing the left arm, leaving them resting uneasy and gotch-eyed on her squinty face.
   Oh, and sporting a grumpy disposition that clearly transcended the barrier of her speaking .01% English and 99.09% French.
   After a three-hour flight to Los Angeles and then another 9-hour trek to Papeete via Air Tahiti, Sybil and I were anxious for a shower, some breakfast and then a lot of, well, vacation. Not that the flight was bad. These days international flights over the Pacific are like being in your own mini-home theater. In the backs of seats are personal video systems where you can watch movies, listen to a variety of albums, play interactive games like poker or blackjack or tic-tac-toe, or just be amazed at the views from the plane's external cameras.
   Tahiti immagracion, turns out, was a breeze and as we headed to our hotel in a taxi we were immediately confronted by the staples of the country: Chickens. Dogs. Bread. Rain. And mini-Peugeot cars.
   All were everywhere.
Slightly more scenic than McKinney
   We arrived at our supposedly charming bed 'n breakfast - Pension de la Plage - just past 7 a.m , as alerted since July and repeatedly in reservation emails outlining our accommodations. But our presence was treated as though we were surprise solicitors, intruders even. In fractured English the matron of the manor answered (sorta) our urgent questions.
   Us: Rooms? Her: Not yet.
   Us: Breakfast? Her: Thataway.
   Us: Luggage? Her: Here. Dogs.
   Us: Alcohol? Her: Quoi?!
   Welcome to Tahiti.
   It's located in the warm waters of the South Pacific Ocean, south of Hawaii, east of Australia and - in every way - a million miles from Dallas.
   We were quickly baptized in the unwelcoming arms of French Polynesia. Make no mistake, Tahiti is beautiful. But it's no more prepared for - or accommodating to - tourists than Tyler.





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