Yeah, I too am jazzed that the Rangers have totally vanquished that seemingly scary 6-game deficit in the AL West in a short, sweet 10 days. But there are more important issues at hand ... Beer fraud.
I like beer.
But I can't stand beer commercials.
They're filled with unfathomably fit bodies supposedly drinking countless coldies, animals who actually behave and are cute in doing so, guys constantly getting hit in the crotch by something or other, and - my biggest pet peeve - lazy-ass mistakes that convey beer companies believe us consumers have zero intelligence and even less attention to detail.
I just know Corona's latest "Hot Sand" commercial cost six-figures to produce. And it's them extending their hand to us. Trust, and enjoy our product. So you'd think the beer company would take a minute or two during final editing to make sure it came out just right. Or at least believable. Right?
Nope.
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First of all, if it's so damn hot that the sand is un-walkable why is the guy wearing a shirt?
Secondly, wouldn't he have noticed the blazing hot path on his way to buy the beer in the first place? As in, one or two steps - "Oh shit this is hot!!" - and make a short retreat to put on some sandals before continuing.
On his way back to beach camp, the :30 commercial is almost -
almost - saved by a quick view of how a striped bikini can accent heaving cleavage. The guy acrobatically avoids the hot sand by stepping on towels and chairs and picnic baskets and shade and surfboards and even a the markings of a sand volleyball court.
And this is where it gets really
good bad.
:22 - As the guy approaches with the bucket o' beer his buddy is seen sitting upright, kinda resting on his left, straight arm.
:24 - Magically - and impossibly quickly - now the same buddy is laying comfortably on his right side, legs outstretched toward the guy who has now arrived with the Corona.
:26 - And now that they're pulling bottles from the bucket, the buddy is suddenly sitting upright again, rubbing his hands together at his impending delight.
That's three drastically different body positions. On the beach. On a towel. On the sand. Try it. I dare ya.
Sit upright and lean on your left arm, then flip and lay on your right side, then jump up again and sit upright. Oh, and do it in four seconds, without looking the least bit disheveled in the process.
Will I still drink Corona? Yep.
Do I trust Corona with the small details? Never.
Now pass me a lime.
