WHITT'S END: 9.25.13

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End

   *Death. Taxes. Jerry Jones hyperbole. You can always count on the Cowboys owner to get carried away at the tiniest glimpse of positivity from his squad. In the wake of Cowboys 31, Rams 7 he actually said of his defense, "I can't recall when I've seen us play better. Ever." Ever? C'mon Jerry. Ever? I know you'll turn 71 on Oct. 13 but in 1992 your No. 1-ranked defense helped win a Super Bowl. And it wasn't that long ago - 2009 - that your defense recorded back-to-back shutouts to end the regular season and then won a playoff game. Ever?

   *Thanks again to the Houston Astros for being so neighborly (and sucky) in 2013. The Rangers are 16-2 against them, and 70-69 against everyone else.

   *Before the dust settled on 105.3 The Fan's firing of Elf & Slater last week I heard a weird rumor that GBag Nation would only temporarily land on the 10 a.m.-2 p.m. slot en route to permanently switching time slots with afternooners Ben and Skin. Couldn't confirm it, so I didn't write it. But somebody who might know thinks it's a "done deal." Gregg Henson - one of the original G's in GBag Nation when he worked alongside Gavin Dawson in 2009-10 - says on his Twitter (@GreggHenson) that the switch will happen. This week. Believe it when I hear it.

   *Two things: 1. This Carissa Loethen chick is hot; 2. This naked haunted house idea is cool. What, too chicken?

   *For a wrinkly, old, white dude, David Stern has always been a progressive, hip commissioner. But the NBA is missing the point allowing nicknames on the backs of Heat and Nets' jerseys for selected games in 2014. Instead of LeBron James, for example, you'll see "King James." And instead of Ray Allen you'll get "Jesus Shuttlesworth." Hey, wait a minute. Not only is it a bad me-before-team idea, it's a horrible execution of a bad me-before-team idea. Jesus Shuttlesworth isn't a nickname, but a character from the movie He Got Game. I'm all for better nicknames than just the lazy first-letter-of-the-first-name-and-last-name (D-Wade, T-Rich, D-Ware, etc.), but with this move the NBA will take a step toward becoming The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. Comforting thing about the notion is the flashy nickname Dirk Nowitzki would demand on the back of his jersey: "Nowitzki".

   *Even without their best defensive player from 2012, the Cowboys have options along the front four. Who and what the what? Over at NBC 5's Blue Star Blog.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *Unless I'm missing something, Jeff Daniels will play both the dumbest (Harry Dunne) and smartest (Will MacAvoy) character in the history of acting. Which makes him awesome.

   *Sshh. Hear that? It's Tony Romo haters pouting quietly in the corner. Not much for them to crow about when the Cowboys' quarterback has the NFL's 5th-best quarterback rating, a completion percentage behind only Peyton Manning and a TD/INT ratio of 6/1.

   *Ya know, not all of life's problems can be solved by simpleton strategies like "Put your big boy pants on", "Man up" and "Git 'R Done." I know nuances, subtleties and shades of gray are murky, scary terrain for shallow folks, but sometimes it takes a little deep thinking, clever strategy and pro-active foresight to hit life's curveballs. It helps to have more than just a Neanderthal Plan A when dealing with a quandary.

   *Remember when I pissed off all the Baylor Baptists by claiming Elena Delle Donne was a better women's basketball player than Brittney Griner? In their rookie WNBA seasons Griner averaged 12.6 points and 6.3 rebounds; Delle Donne 18.1 and 5.6. Can't believe I just won a women's basketball argument. Can't believe I just had a women's basketball argument.

   *Don't look now, but Mavericks' Media Day is Monday. I'll be there to meet newcomers DeJuan Blair, Jose Calderon, Samuel Dalembert, Wayne Ellington, Monta Ellis, Devin Harris, Shane Larkin and Gal Mekel. Of the 21 players on the training camp roster, 13 weren't with the team last year. Pre-season opener is Oct. 7. While the two-time defending champion Miami Heat hold camp in The Bahamas, Mavs will hold theirs in the bowels of American Airlines Center. Pretty similar. Sure.

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   *White Truck Wednesday: 3-year-old girl on afternoon walk with baby-sitter struck and killed by a ... White Truck.

   *Mick Jagger will soon be a great grandfather. Let that one sink in.

   *Shaquille O'Neal is now part-owner of the Sacramento Kings. Imagine Mark Cuban selling a chunk of the Mavs to Dwyane Wade. Or Tim Duncan. Vomit.

   *Stopped playing video games the day when - between Cowboys' two-a-day training camp practices in Austin in 1993 - I finally beat the last level of Super Mario Bros. As a kid who played Pong in wide-eyed amazement, I'm stunned at how they've evolved. Grand Theft Auto V debuted last week and generated $800 million. In one day.

   *Today? Off to Pizza Buzz. By the way, we're still hiring. Managers, drivers, cooks, counter. The works. Contact Justin@PizzaBuzz.com. Don't be a stranger.

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WHITT'S END: 9.24.13

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End

   *Big blow to the Cowboys' defense with Anthony Spencer needing microfracture knee surgery and likely being out for the year. Dallas is already without Jay Ratliff three more games and Tyrone Crawford suffered a season-ending injury early in training camp. I know new defensive line coach Rod Marinelli is working magic with the likes of George Selvie and Nick Hayden and Edgar Jones. But the Cowboys can't keep this up with only DeMarcus Ware and Jason Hatcher anchoring the front four. Can they?

   *My former radio partner needs help. Serious help. At least he's getting heart-felt advice from friend and former Ticket co-worker, Grubes. I don't take Greggo's calls or texts and I no longer follow him on Twitter, but couple of friends alerted me Sunday that he was attacking 105.3 The Fan's Mike Fisher. In attempting to harpoon Fisher's breaking news about Spencer not playing against the Rams, Greggo used words like "truth", "class", "integrity", "slimy" and "unethical." Laughable. Those criticisms coming from a guy with sub-freezing credibility. Those accusations coming from a guy who, among his litany of lies, skipped out on his RAGE teammates, fabricated stories about his own mother to miss work, and misstated his days of supposed sobriety on the air. Ring a bell? Sorry, but at this point anyone who believes Greggo's version of "just tellin' the truth" is simply stubborn, naive or as fucked up as he is. Greggo was once a radio icon in DFW. But these days he's nothing more than an alarmingly skinny 53-year-old habitual liar with a failed blog, banished to a life of irrelevance and Internet trolling with his days spent buying Heineken at Still On The Corner in Gainesville and picking nonsensical Twitter fights in a lame attempt to get people to notice him. It truly saddens me. We had some great times, made some good radio and I'll always have a special place in my heart for him. But I won't help Greggo until he finally decides to help himself.

   *See, that's the maddening thing about your Rangers. Monday night they used the worst team in baseball as their personal pinata with Alex Rios' cycle, 12 runs, a complete game by Derek Holland and lots of fireworks and fun for the whole family. 12-0. Can't help but be a tad frustrated that this team wins games 8-2 and 12-0, but can't scratch out a single tally in all those 1-0 defeats.

   *What do you mean your son almost drowned at the football camp of some Cowboys? Sounds to me like the players should almost pay you a bunch of money. Unless, that is, the kid suffered permanent physical damage. If so, prove it.

   *After shredding the Raiders on Monday Night Football, Broncos' quarterback Peyton Manning is on pace for 475 completions, 6,096 yards and 64 touchdowns. All would be NFL records.

   *Is it too early, or does DeMarco Murray's 175-yard rushing performance demand an apology from his critics? I discuss over at NBC 5's Blue Star Blog.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *Texas Motor Speedway grand poobah Eddie Gossage has long been openly jealous of the Cowboys' popularity. He's got a bigger venue. Bigger one-day crowds. And now a bigger video board. His new "Big Hoss" will be 70 yards long, 10 bigger than JumboJerry at AT&T Stadium. But it's all relative. I went to Charlotte Motor Speedway and saw what is currently the world's biggest board and, honestly, at that giant track it looked like a 32" tube TV in the corner. TMS' new toy is huge, but it won't appear nearly as big as the Cowboys'.

   *Credit Joe Nathan with another save, with assists from Elvis Andrus and Holland. Seems the former president of the Southeast Arlington Little League stole the organization's $20,000 in a move that threatened to cancel the Fall season. Until the Rangers stepped in. Very cool.

   *Watched a sneak preview of the JFK movie Parkland last night at the Angelika Film Center. Nov. 22 is the 50th anniversary of the assassination, so get prepared for the onslaught. The movie starts with, um, a bang. Gripping first 30 minutes, detailing President Kennedy's transportation to Parkland Hospital and the efforts to keep him alive despite a fatal gunshot wound to the head. Not as quite as gruesome as the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, but it's pretty damn intense. And bloody. And hectic. You'll learn details about the ornery medical examiner, Oswald's looney mom and the life of Abraham Zapruder. But mostly, I was reminded how terrible the whole ordeal makes our city look. Says a secret service agent of Dallas at one point, "What a horrible place to die."

   *Can't imagine the backlash Jerry Jones would receive if he allowed a player to play in a game, then be sent to rehab immediately after. The 49ers botched Aldon Smith's care from the start.

   *More proof that Brad Sham is as eloquent in life as he is behind the Cowboys' microphone, this is his Facebook posting re: the moving of his son, Paul:

My son is off to embark on a new chapter of his life tonight. It will separate us physically. His mom already came to terms dealing with that. This feels like a big step, and I want Sunray Paul Lewis Sham to be reminded that his mom and dad are his biggest cheerleaders. The bumps in the road don't alter our belief in you, son, nor the way we love you, which is more than anything in the world. Your dad will always be here for you, wishing you what parents wish their children most: safety, health, happiness and peace.

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   *College football uniforms are officially outta control. Is this Virginia Tech's helmet for Thursday night's game against Georgia Tech? Or have The Flintstones joined the ACC?

   *Loved me some Dexter, but the series finale on Showtime was underwhelming, no? He killed his sister, sailed into a hurricane and then ... grew a beard and became an anonymous logger with a creepy stare? Still, any show that can get you to root for a serial killer has to be considered a smashing success.

   *Local TV audiences from last Sunday: Cowboys-Rams 943,000. Rangers-Royals 69,000. The Emmys 365,000. Bears-Steelers 454,000. Breaking Bad 241,000.

   *Sign you're getting old: You have more passion for what you see than what you do.

   *An experienced rock-climber fell to her death in Grapevine because she inexplicably forgot to hook into her safety line. The Devil is in the details.

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   *Toldja baseball over-celebrates. Even its babies drink beer in partying locker rooms.

   *Stop me if you've heard this one. Pacman Jones arrested. But hey it's only the 8th time he's been jailed since 2005. Probably just another misunderstanding.

   *Yeah, I'll get crap wrong from time to time. And I'll do my best to correct it. I forgot Dan Bailey's missed 21-yard field goal in San Francisco back in 2011. So before Sunday's push to the right against the Rams he had made 38 field goals in a row under 40 yards.

   *I'm posting this video of me and Pat Doney on NBC 5's Big Game Sunday not because of our keen insight on Cowboys-Rams. But because I dare you to focus on our commentary when Carly Patterson tumbles past in the background. Giggle.

   *Today? May visit my old friend Jay Lombardo to check out some new threads. Don't be a stranger.

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