WHITT'S END: 9.20.13

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:

   *Wait, so a radio station whose mantra is "Breaking sports news first, guaranteed!" but never actually breaks sports news wins a Marconi Award for "Sports Station of the Year" last night in Orlando? While aural journalism hangs its head in shame, I'll congratulate The Ticket. Maybe it's just me, but I want my sports radio to be both entertaining and informative. An award-winning comedian has to tell fresh jokes. A blue-ribbon chef comes up with new recipes. And an elite "sports station" needs to go to practices and games and talk to coaches and players and air an intimate, unique knowledge of the teams it yaps about. But what do I know? I've been on radio and in radio for years and I fully admit, I do not understand radio.

   *Cowboys' most pleasant surprise of the season is ... over at NBC 5's Blue Star Blog.

   *See what happens when the Rangers hit three homers in an inning and score eight runs behind Yu Darvish? They win. What a concept. September Swoon and Wednesday night's excruciating extra-inning loss be damned, these final 10 games are gonna be fun. Three at the Royals this weekend, followed by three against the Astros and four vs. the Angels. Last year Texas limped to a 3-7 finish and missed the playoffs. Another 3-7 and they'll miss again. 7-3 and they're in. Anything in between is a crap-shoot.

   *Songs I've heard 1,000 times and hope I never have to suffer through hearing again: 10. "Margaritaville", Jimmy Buffet; 9. "Beautiful", James Blunt; 8. "Free Fallin'", Tom Petty; 7. "Sweet Caroline", Neil Diamond; 6. "Umbrella", Rihanna; 5. "American Pie", Don McLean; 4. "Centerfield", John Fogerty ; 3. "Blackbird", The Beatles; 2. Anything by Weird Al Yankovic; 1. "Old Time Rock-and-Roll", Bob Seger.

   *Thanks to Andy Reid beating his old Eagles' team last night, the Cowboys woke up this morning with the only non-losing record in the NFC East. And suddenly, a one-point loss on the road to a 3-0 Chiefs team doesn't look so bad eh?

   *Lots of you think Breaking Bad is the greatest show in the history of TV. But are you buying that Jesse Pinkman can really tell the sex of a dog just by petting it? Meh, Will McAvoy can tell just via an interview.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *Nick Saban's agent took a call last winter from a Texas regent about the Longhorns' job. But, nooooo, the Alabama coach would never leave for Austin. "Quite frankly, I'm just too damn old to start over somewhere else," Saban said last night. And he would never lie about leaving a football team, right Miami Dolphins?
 
   *I guess when it comes to women in sports radio around these parts, it's Title IX Nein. As in, no thanks. Not a good week/year for gorgeous women on local radio. Jasmine Sadry, Sybil Summers and Jane Slater out at the The Fan. And yesterday - as part of the expected Cumulus-based cuts at 103.3 FM ESPN - long-time (9.5 years) personality Kelly Webster got the boot.

   *Was watching Rangers-Rays and Chiefs-Eagles last night when - poof - rain, lightning, power outage. Needed the rain, and am equipped with backup computer power. But sitting in the dark with no TV and no A/C is way overrated. Makes you ponder what nights were really like before electricity. Charades by the fire? Every single night?

   *One last thing on guns (until the inevitable next mass shooting committed via guns): Supporters are now spewing the NRA rhetoric that "mental illness" is the cause/common denominator in these murders. Maybe, but so are guns. I'll take my chances against a mentally ill person armed with a knife or a slingshot or a broom or a stick of butter, rather than a mentally ill person armed with a gun. You?

   *Baseball's season of over-celebrating has commenced. The Dodgers, 41-18 since the All-Star break, clinched the NL West last night and celebrated by diving into the Arizona Diamondbacks' swimming pool in right field. It's a division. Remind me the last time an NBA or NFL team partied - or even noticed - after winning a division.

   *This Red Bull Flugtag thing in Irving Saturday morning looks fascinating and potentially entertaining, but also brings up a couple questions. Isn't that an awful lot of foreplay for a quick splash of a payoff? And, what/where the hell is Lake Carolyn?

   *My commute to Pizza Buzz in northeast Fort Worth is about 60 miles straight through the belly of the beast, better known as 121 and Loop 820. I only go about twice a week, but it takes anywhere between one hour and $%#@**&^! Two things make the drive tolerable: 1. Prospect of revenue; 2. XM 42 The Joint. I find it dang near impossible to be pissed while listening to Reggae, mon.

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   *'Bama quarterback A.J. McCarron has broken up with girlfriend Katherine Webb. As Brent Musburger weeps, we have one last reason to post her pic.

   *Last night I got more excited about the rain than the Rangers. Can't decide if that makes me wise? Or just old?

   *Went to a matinee showing of Elysium yesterday with Sybil. Decent, different flick. Cost of tickets: $7. Cost of snacks: $23. Truth.

   *Scattershooting while wondering whatever happened to Tim Tebow? And while remember how much I loved reading Blackie Sherrod.

   *Feeling sad today for Mark Elfenbein and Jane Slater. They're handling their firing from 105.3 The Fan with more class than I did, but I know what it's like to wake up feeling like your best ain't good enough. And it sucks. Big time. They're both talented people who will find their way back into media in some form. Here's hoping the good, hard-working veterans still at The Fan - like Shan Shariff, R.J. Choppy, Roy White, Gavin Dawson, Chris Arnold, Mike Bacsik and Jeff Cavanaugh - can somehow outlast their bumbling boss.

   *Cowboys 27, Rams 17.

   *This weekend? Off to Pizza Buzz, mon. Then a couple drinks with buddies from junior high and - sssshhh - crashing Sybil's girls'-night party at our house. Saturday morning is tennis, followed by Wags 'n Waves out at NRH20. Sunday of course is Cowboys-Rams in Arlington, and at some point an appearance on NBC 5 with Pat, Newy and the gang. Don't be a stranger.

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WHITT'S END: 9.19.13

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End

   *In sports, it's the coaches who get blamed. In sports radio, it's always the players. With the firing Wednesday of midday show Mark Elfenbein and Jane Slater, 105.3 The Fan bumbling program director Gavin Spittle has now canned his struggling station's two highest-rated shows in five months. (Some might remember a certain afternoon show getting shown the door in April.) He's also fired the station's three female on-air hosts: Slater, Jasmine Sadry and Sybil Summers. So if Spittle's goal was to rid The Fan of its most recognizable personalities while also making it a considerably uglier station, mission accomplished. New lineup: Gavin Dawson, Chris Arnold and Mike Bacsik from 10a-2p and the KandC Masterpiece from 6-11p. Though seemingly unwarranted - in the station's horrible August ratings, Elf & Slater was the only show to post a 2.0 rating for any time period - this move wasn't a big surprise. I surmised that Elf & Slater sat in wobbly chairs since The Fan's almost acquisition of BaD Radio back in June. Don't know if the station will be any better, but it's a little different. And when you're embarrassingly No. 3 in a three-horse race, I guess any change is good.

   *Tony Romo leads NFL QBs with a completion percentage of 72.5, but only nine of his 91 passes have traveled more than 20 yards. Why are the Cowboys so reluctant to throw downfield? My Deep Thoughts over at NBC 5's Blue Star Blog.

   *Joe Nathan, that Rangers' loss is on you. I know Jurickson Profar failed to turn a double play earlier, but all a team asks for is to get to its closer. And the Rangers got there. But armed with a 1-run lead and two-out, none out in the 11th, Nathan couldn't close the deal. Walking a guy in that situation proved a fatal flaw. That said, why was Joe Ortiz handed the ball for the 12th? He's obviously not ready for playoff baseball. Neftali Feliz was warming, but I guess Wash doesn't fully trust him yet? Deflating loss. Or, I should say, another deflating loss.

   *Personally, I'm sad over the firings of Elf & Slater. Though former program director Bruce Gilbert took an admitted gamble on a girl new to that genre of radio, she consistently worked to improve her craft. And Elf remains the most passionate, positive teammate I've ever worked alongside. I'll remember Slater for being my partner in crime on a Malibu beach and for a crazy night in New Orleans at last year's Super Bowl when she playfully slapped a hotel night manager with her hair weave. Serious. And I'll remember Elf for his smile, enthusiasm and ... Oh, who am I kidding? Cut the dramatic, twinkling piano. Sybil and I will have drinks with Slater within a couple days and I'll beat Elf's ass on the tennis court sooner than later. They're gone, but certainly not dead.

   *And on Sept. 18, the Cleveland Browns gave up on the 2013 season. The team with the worst helmets this side of Jacksonville traded franchise running back Trent Richardson to the Indianapolis Colts for a first-round pick in next April's draft. The Colts are going to be good. Their pick is going to suck. And so are the Browns. Richardson was their marquee player, plastered on media guides and pocket schedules, etc. While Andrew Luck is gifted a runner with 12 touchdowns in his first 17 NFL games, the Browns are left to sell ... starting quarterback Brian Hoyer. Awful.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *If you laugh hysterically and can't take your eyes off Jonathon Villar's face-first slide into Brandon Phillips' left butt cheek, then I'm pretty sure we watch baseball for different reasons. Though Sybil saying Villar must be an "Asstro" was kinda cleverfunny.

   *One last thing on The Fan. Last week after the loss in Kansas City their veteran, respected Cowboys insider Mike Fisher went to the locker room, rode a team bus to the airplane and flew home with the team. But he never appeared live with any sort of report on The Fan's post-game show? What the what is going on at the station I used to love? For an outfit desperate for some credibility, that's a self-inflicted gaffe.

   *You Betcha Week 4: As predicted, Alabama was rolling. Up 21 and with the ball in the third quarter last Saturday in College Station. Then they took their foot off the pedal, Johnny Goofball worked his magic and, bam, backdoor cover with a touchdown pass in the final 30 seconds. Yeah, ouch. But, never fear, the Cowboys will cover the 4 against the Rams Sunday. With Brian Waters more into the mix, Dallas found a team it can actually run against. Rams are 24th in defense. DeMarco Murray's 253 yards against them two years ago ring a bell?
STARTING BANKROLL: $10,000.
CURRENT BANKROLL: $9,575.
SEASON RECORD: 1-2.
LAST WEEK: 0-1.
THIS WEEK: Cowboys minus-4 over Rams, for $500.

   *Speaking of gambling on a lackluster college football weekend with only one Top 25 matchup (Stanford-Arizona State), Miami is a 60-point favorite over Savannah State. SSU was a 65-point dog at Florida State last year and covered, losing only 55-0.

   *What's going on at my alma mater? Four rapes and five fraternities suspended at UT-Arlington. Never understood the Greek thing and the need for an artificial circle of friends. Played tennis recently with a buddy I've known since 2nd grade.

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   *In the wake of another mass shooting and more debate on gun control, a follower on Twitter actually said I was an idiot because I didn't fear what would happen to America if our freedoms were revoked and we became an unarmed citizenry. Ridiculous. I'm pretty sure if the U.S. government wanted to attack us they'd find a way around him and the pistol he keeps under his pillow. Drones, anyone?

   *Tropicana Field is the worst venue in all of sports. Last night there were 14,000 fans at Rangers-Rays, and more than half left by the 7th because, well, they're senior citizens who need their rest. Playoff baseball. Wild-Card ramifications. 11 games left in the season. Extra innings. And the place was as quiet as a library. I haven't even mentioned that turf. Are those giant grease spots in the outfield? Looks like the field was used as a catch-all safety rug under cars in a giant oil-change garage.

   *Me and Sybil were in the hot tub recently and ... nope, it ain't all fun and games. We actually devised a plan of action in case an airplane crashes in our neighborhood. Our house is in the flight path to DFW Airport, so you never know. A call to 911 is involved. As are DFWSportatorium, Twitter, KVIL and NBC 5. I guess that's a form of dirty talk, right?

   *This season Daniel Tosh claims to be making subtle changes to his wardrobe in each episode of Tosh.0. To my eyeballs he's wearing a pink(ish) button-down shirt, untucked, with the sleeves rolled up about mid-forearm. Every week. What am I missing? I want to know, but researching it would feel like such a waste of my time on this Earth.

   *Today? A little run in the sun and maybe an afternoon movie with Sybil. Tonight it's more Rangers and Andy Reid's return to Philly. Don't be a stranger.

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Bottom Line: (With BaD Radio) The Ticket Marches On

   In one scenario Bob Sturm and Dan McDowell wouldn't be on The Ticket today at Noon, instead replaced by Rich Phillips and Donovan Lewis.
   In other scenario, Cumulus Media would reach an 11th-hour deal with BaD Radio to remain in the station's midday slot it's held down since 1999.
   In yet another scenario - one that revealed itself today - both scenarios occurred.
   How's that? Because in a weird twist to a dramatic plot that broke on Friday, BaD Radio got the deal it wanted to stay put on Sunday, plus the day off on Monday. The explanation from Sturm's (@SportsSturm) Twitter:

I know this might seem odd, but we are off today. Back on Tuesday at noon. Vacation starts Friday. See you then. #AllGood

   I'm sure Bob and Dan will detail their serious flirtation with 105.3 The Fan tomorrow, and I'll let those boys explain whether Cumulus upped the ante or if they settled for less money to stay put (but, c'mon, we know the answer to that one, right?) But for now we're left knowing they're remaining at The Ticket while wondering what the almost-move will do to morale - and the lineups - up the dial.

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   Ticket fans will certainly breathe a sigh of relief at how it all went down: BaD Radio's contract expires, they get a low-ball offer from Cumulus, CBS swoops in with a sweeter deal, Bob and Dan reach a tentative agreement with The Fan but, as is its contractual right, Cumulus counters by matching the offer and keeping the show in place.
   And just like that, seismic shift averted.

   The Ticket wins with its continuity and stability, if not its talent. For almost 20 years the station has ingrained in listeners that it's more than just a number on the dial. Ticket listeners are brain-washed into the place on the dial as much as the show coming out of the speakers. That's what radio means by a "heritage" station. And while ESPN 103.3 and The Fan consistently be inconsistent with numerous lineup changes, The Ticket marches on like an untouchable McDonald's dominating the market.
   The Ticket's lineup has remain unchanged since Norm Hitzges joined in 2000. Since its inception in 2008, The Fan has had 12 different shows from 6 a-7p.

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   While the recruitment of BaD Radio by The Fan was nothing new - former program director Bruce Gilbert had grand designs on them being the afternoon show after a midday slot featuring me and Mike Fisher - this theft would've been a feather in the beleaguered cap of program director Gavin Spittle. Even though Bob and Dan have a six-month non-compete clause in their contract and might have had to sit on the sidelines until 2014, stealing a major cog in The Ticket machine would've been a coup.
   Inserting BaD Radio into middays would've forced The Ticket to find a replacement show for the first time in 13 years, and would've been a momentum-pushing lead-in for afternoon drive show Ben and Skin.

   Instead, current Fan midday hosts Mark Elfenbein and Jane Slater are likely, and understandably, sitting in uncomfortable chairs today. Radio industry sources tell me the obvious, that their show would've been axed to make room for Bob and Dan.
   But now? They're forced to be disciplined soldiers and bravely go back into battle even though they know their general considers them expendable war fodder.
   As I said in The Hard Lie 2, radio can be a fickle bitch intertwined with a filthy industry.
   To wit, tomorrow I'll have details on the next popular local afternoon-drive show that is suddenly on shaky contractual ground ...

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